Customer Service Left Me Broken Inside

(Source:Pinterest)

I’m on the hunt for a seasonal job right now. Although I talked more about my HR gig than anything else, it is actually the shortest position I have held in my entire working life. My experience predominantly lies with Customer Service; i.e., retail, restaurants, and, cabarets. Truth be told, I’m dreading the entire process. Yes, I need a survival job because the gigs are too few and far in between, and I need money. Normally I’m friendly with people:

(Source: Pinterest)

However, with all that is going on in the world today, coupled with my very low tolerance for abuse (thanks assholes in the entertainment industry); I’m having a hell of a time applying for things without having flashbacks and eye twitching.

No, not all people are bad and full of drama. Given the approaching spending season however…it can bring out the worst in people.

(Source: afuntumblr and Pinterest. This applies to more than just retail.)

I don’t know if I want to listen to Christmas music on repeat. (Especially ten different versions of “Last Christmas”.) Or have people screaming in my face over an expired coupon:

(Source: Facebook)

I don’t know if I have it in me to have regular customers at any bar or restaurant again:

(Source: Server Life IG)

I have basically turned I into an impoverished curmudgeon. I need to bite the bullet soon if I want to make any financial progress.

Gucci SS18…My Complaints

(Source: Pinterest)

I’m back. After several days of rest and recuperation to try and get my anxiety under control, one of the things I did as a functioning human was watch the Gucci SS18 show live from Facebook.

I consider runway shows to be as much a theatrical event as I do live theatre. As a brand you want to put on a good show for your audience, but I had some issues with this show in particular.

The Lighting:

Pre-show they had normal “work” lights on for the attendees to take their seats. With the drone cameras flying above, you could see this beautiful set inspired by Ancient Rome and Egypt as well as a massive, winding runway. Along with that set you could see that the guest list for this show was incredibly large as there were many butts in seats. Once the show started, the workers went off, the room went dark, the strobes began, and continued throughout the entire show.

Aside from the main area where all of the photographers and videographers were stationed to capture the clothes, there was no light. This is a disservice to the remainder of the audience (who are also members of the fashion industry in their own right) because they are not privileged enough to sit in the designated area to see the collection.

Also I noticed during the final tracing of the runway the lights literally went off in some sections. It was so dark, that it took a few moments for the audience to understand that they were doing a final trace and didn’t clap initially. Plus a dark runway is incredibly dangerous for the models. The set and lighting designers should have given them the courtesy of spiking the runway with glow tape, so they don’t crash into the audience.

The strobe lighting gave me a headache and I was watching on video. I could only imagine what the live audience suffered through.

The Pacing of the Show:

I’m not at all bashing the collection or the models. The collection was beautiful, from what I could see, but that is also a major problem I had with the show. The models were practically racing down the runway! Since I have experience walking in runway shows, I’m sure they were given the direction to continue walking at a fast pace and don’t stop for the cameras. Yes, they practically had an army working this show. Still, if they couldn’t stop to pose, at least let them walk at a slower pace for the small portion of the audience that had good lighting.

I’m going to have to look at the photos later to really look at the clothes. The production value of this show was piss poor with the set, the collection, and the lighting wasted.

My Neighbor…

Um…after a very long, panic attack filled week in New York, I just want to take some quiet time to recuperate. Sadly because of my neighbor, that was impossible. This is the same neighbor who had issues with a former roommate; which almost led to me having to fight the roommate, because they put their hands on my dad. This neighbor also had the cops come over to the building (because they started an argument with a different person), and now a different crazy person made a scene on our fire escape because of them…

Several issues with multiple people, but only one person at the scene of each crime. My neighbor.

Normally I try to stay out of it, because it really is none of my business. However, this is a full building and everyone that resides here is disturbed by the chaos. It’s really rude and one of my big motivators for leaving Delaware. Now if I can only get my anxiety under control and I will be gone for good.

My Nerves Are Bad

So this entire New York trip has triggered my anxiety so much, that I had a really bad panic attack yesterday on 9th Ave.

It’s not New York though. I was having the same issues, recently, while in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. The last time I had a really bad episode like this was in England back when I was 17; that ended with me fainting.

It’s weird though, because I’m not homesick or anything. Plus I have really enjoyed my time in all of those places and never once had an episode when I went to Japan 7 years ago.

I have had panic attacks throughout my adult life. However, they were very spotty and usually came after big stressors. (I have big stressors right now for sure.) The ones where I take trips though are very troubling and I want to get them under control.

I know what chemicals in my body trigger an attack. I also know that my thoughts don’t help either and I can maintain control. There are some things I am going to work on when I get home, like meditation and possibly start running to wear some of it off. It’s just frustrating to go through this right now.

New York So Far

(My tourist photo lol!)

I arrived back in New York this past Friday to attend a stunt training and to work a volunteer gig for NYFW. So far, so good.

(Taken yesterday. They were doing Stair Falls. Since it’s my first class they didn’t have me do this yet.)

The stunt training went particularly well. Much of the essential skills that they teach are very similar to what I was learning in Unarmed Stage Combat, but with tweaks that read for film. I plan on taking more trainings until I’m good and ready to do this professionally.

(Taken earlier today.)

Since it was so nice today and I had free time, I took the subway down to Coney Island to walk around. I haven’t been to Coney in 8 years and I just wanted to buzz around to see if anything has changed. Not much though it does seem like they are building more apartments in the area. It’s still Coney and I love it.

(Taken yesterday before taking the train to stunt class.)

Tomorrow I meet up with a friend and former co-worker I haven’t seen in person in a long time. (Although we correspond regularly on social media.) She is getting married next month, and since I am unable to attend her wedding; I wanted to give her part of her wedding gift when I see her:

(A Signed Tom Hiddleston postcard that was gifted to me from Wizard World Philadelphia last year.)

This was given to me by the friend of the young lady that I calmed down from a panic attack before meeting him at the convention last year. My friend is a major fan of his (me, not so much…at least not anymore) so I felt that this postcard would be in better hands with her. I can’t wait to see her as we have much catching up to do.

I will update more later once I go to the Jason Wu Grey Out event and after the Chulo Underwear NYFW event I’m working.

The Sting Still Remains…

(Source: Classical Art Memes Facebook.)

Today would have been my orientation at my school. Alas, I am here stateside. I know I droll on and on about school, but I really wanted this.

It has been my dream to study overseas since I was a kid although the country and major was different back then. It all feels like a bad heartbreak. Hell, the pain from this is worse than the heartbreak I received from the guy I was in love with! Maybe because I had more control over this situation and still failed; as opposed to trying to win the love of someone who didn’t love me, which is completely out of my control.

I’m just really sad, but I’m trying to find ways to channel that sadness into something productive.

Reboots…

I probably shouldn’t be the one saying this, but…

Reboots are so annoying.

What’s worse, is seeing people on the internet so excited for films that are being rebooted that weren’t good the first time around. It really makes me wonder about people sometimes.

I’m all for making more woman centric stories or an adaptation of a story we haven’t seen on the big screen yet. But why on Earth do I need to watch a remake of the ‘Lord of the Flies’? Or another ‘Mortal Kombat’ movie? ‘Blade’ doesn’t need a damn reboot, and ‘A Star is Born’ is on its 5th remake!

Production companies and investors need to acknowledge that they are too afraid to invest in original ideas for fear of losing money. This isn’t the theatre where you have more leeway to do that because these productions are often short runs and rarely recorded. Even then: live theatre is more apt to take more risks with a new show, which is why I love them. Push the envelope a little bit!

Stepping off my soapbox now.

September Is Shaping Up

(Me looking at the month ahead.)

Without getting too excited, I’m starting to make plans for this month.

If I didn’t mention this before, I will now; I’m stage managing at Bootless for their upcoming production of ‘Tick, Tick, BOOM’. Since my role is different from before, I don’t have to make as many appearances until closer to the run. (Though I am planning to see a couple of the un-required rehearsals to get a feeling of the show and ultimately find out what I need to do behind the scenes.)

In addition to that, I did end up booking the volunteer gig with NYFW! I will post the Eventbrite link if you are in the area and want to support a good cause.

Starting this upcoming weekend, with the additional day that I will be working NYFW, I’m planning on staying in New York for a week or so just exploring the area. I never really get to do that since I couldn’t really afford the luxury of staying in the city and really get my bearings. I’m also considering flexible work with some of the catering companies or the burlesque club up there; when I’m not here in Delaware for the show to make some extra money. (The catering gig would be better, but OMG to perform burlesque in NYC would be divine!)

Overall this should be a shift in perspective since I’m spending more time in New York without killing my wallet. Hopefully I come back with more money too!

Getting Paid

Funny little story:

Yesterday I went to check the mail and saw an envelope from a production accounting company.

“My pay from ‘Bull’ is here, yay!”

I kissed the envelope and went up to my apartment. I opened it up and…it was the pay from my dress fitting for the shoot I did this past Monday. (Which is significantly less than what I am being paid for ‘Bull’)

“Aww.” I said, as I lost the wind in my sails.

Money is still money, so I celebrated receiving my check in the mail (albeit with a little less enthusiasm.) Hopefully after the holiday weekend I will see my pay.

The End.

The Snake

I have a now former friend who just THRIVES on self-victimization and attention from my family. One of the reasons why I cut off communication from her was the fact that she would constantly call us in a crisis (seriously one of the times she called put me in serious physical danger) and later goes back into the chaos.

I’ve written about her before, but had later deleted those posts because they were too mean and I want to be the bigger person in this situation. However, she keeps pulling at my mother’s heartstrings and frankly I’m getting tired of the nonsense. She’s a manipulator plain and simple.

Multiple times over have my family and members of her own family offered her help out of the mess. She refuses the help and even spit at us when we couldn’t pay attention at any given time when she wanted to cry wolf. Now she claims to be in dire situation and I don’t trust her. My mother is trying to convince me to be ok with helping her. No. Just no.

(Source: Daria and MTV.)

I’m sorry to rant like this, but most of the stress I have had to deal with last year was due to this former friend, while going through my own hell. I’m staying away from this a far as I possibly can.