So I May Be Homeless Again 🙃🙃🙃

(Source: Pinterest.)

And unlike before, where I could not afford to live in my previous home anymore, this would be no fault of my own. The building is up for a sheriff’s sale.

Currently I’ve been doing some research to find out if it is possible to be booted out so soon, if at all, and what are our rights as tenants. I’m also going a step further to see if maybe I can be a bidder at this auction and what do I need to do for that. The current landlord does have a little bit of time to save their investment before it becomes a disaster. However, they can be very neglectful when it comes to maintaining the property to begin with, so I have very little faith they will take action of any sort. I don’t have much liquid cash so making such a large investment like this is a bit out of my league.

My biggest concern is less about me being homeless again, but about the other tenants. I don’t care too much for my new upstairs neighbor, but they are new. Are they going to be able to afford to move so soon? The remaining tenants in the building are older so I don’t know if they really have another place to go.

Another issue I have is with the city itself. The way that they are dealing with crime and real estate here, is to gentrify the neighborhood instead of investing in the already existing neighborhoods to eliminate poverty (which is the main factor with high crime.) We have a 66% African American population right now (mostly lower income) and they could be easily pushed out of the city for wealthier individuals who may not be of a minority population. The tenants in my building specifically, including myself and my mom (not my dad) are African American. I would like to see more property ownership from Black community who actually live here.

My family doesn’t seem to be as bothered by this as I am, which is a shame. They hold too much trust in our landlord and are too comfortable to do anything about it (then again, I’m not surprised.) All I can do at the moment is to wait until Monday to make calls and ask questions. Until then I’m packing and preparing for the inevitable.

Everybody is Cancelled

(Source: Facebook.)

Honestly, it’s a good thing. So many women and men have been affected for far too long. Sexual and emotional trauma is real. Shame is a burden we carry. We all have skeletons whether we are the perpetrators or the victims. Hurt people, hurt people.

A little while back I also included my name into the #MeToo campaign, because I too have been a victim of sexual harassment and assault. However, I’m going to take this time to see where I was complicit.

No, I never assaulted anyone, but there were definitely times when I thought “was this person asking for it with their behavior?” Or “why did they take so long to come forward?”

Two statements I’m very guilty of. But I know from hearing the stories of the other victims; and how they mirror my own, that those are statements that are no longer part my my language. I also acknowledge that with my own internalized pain it could have been a way of lashing out. For that I’m sorry. It’s not right and there’s no way to truly atone for my contempt of others who were hurt.

The Prettiest Potato 🥔

(Circa last night at my new job.)

The poles at the new studio I work at are 13 feet tall. Climbing to such heights used to be easy for me, now I’m only able to climb half the way. I also took this photo and videoed myself getting back into a good practice, when I noticed that I’m pretty much a potato version of myself. Not to be mean, but I miss my old body. I have been this weight before, but with significantly more strength and muscle tone. At least I’m dancing in heels again!

(Source: Just Girl Things IG and MemeCenter.com)

Anyway, here are the two videos I promised from last weeks class and last night in all of my potato glory. Enjoy.

(Last week)

(Last night)

Saturday Night Live

(Source: Facebook.)

Back in September, I was given the opportunity to be placed on the roster for Background work on SNL. I signed up and started receiving weekly emails asking for availability. Until this coming weekend, I have not had any sort of open availability; but I’m glad. I really didn’t have a solid income coming in so it would have been hard to spend that much time in New York with limited funds. Also I’m hoping that they do pick me for November, because once December gets here, it’s a no-go. We shall see.

Neighbors pt. 2

(Source: Grumpy Cat Facebook.)

Update, my hell neighbor from next door moved out. My very loud downstairs neighbors moved out as well. Our building had about half a month of peace with the cool neighbors before we had a new person move in.

I’m not exactly sure if he is a prostitute or filming a porno, but the sexual activity in the apartment above me is loud and really uncomfortable.

(Source: Facebook.)

Of course I could just be bitter because I have been celibate for a few years now. And, of course, it’s “cuffing season” so everyone is trying to find a mate so they won’t be lonely for the holidays. Still, it’s annoying and painful. I really need to move out.

11/10. The Worst Day of My Life

(Source: Pinterest.)

Or at least it was two years ago. It’s the anniversary of my car accident. I have talked about it quite a bit on this blog, but not in full detail. More like the after effects of what happened. My court case is settled now and I’m free to discuss the events of that night.

My family and I had received a surprise inheritance from my deceased great-grandfather Tom. I was a few months in from being previously homeless and had to share the one vehicle my parents had. My dad thought it would be a good idea for me to have a car again, since my previous vehicle died (it was also a contributing factor to my homelessness, since it constantly needed extremely expensive repairs.)

The new vehicle was purchased that morning. He picked it up and parked it outside of our building. As a celebration, my dad, my mom, and myself took the new car for a spin to get groceries. By this time it was dark, but not late. It was also raining. I was driving (of course), my dad was in the front right passenger seat, my mom in the back left passenger seat. We ended up sitting at a red light on one of the arterial roads in Wilmington, when we got slammed into. We didn’t hear any screeching of brakes or anything. Just the boom of the impact.

My theory is that the man who hit us was texting and driving. He hit us at a speed of which I’m sure was close to 45mph if not faster. We were also sitting at the red light for quite some time and did not move, which is why the impact was so devastating. Like I said there were no screeching of brakes, as if he didn’t pay enough attention to attempt to stop his car. When he jumped out to check on us he had a flip phone in his hand. After my dad and I jumped out of the car, we had to call for an ambulance since my mom took the brunt of the impact. She was also fading in and out of consciousness which was flipping me out and I ordered my dad to keep talking to her to keep her awake. The driver simply asked if we were ok. He tried to diminish (in a passive-aggressive nice way) the damage of the accident and the emergency situation my mom was having. All of this was happening and I paid no attention to the massive pain I was in, because of the adrenaline that was coursing through me to try and help my mom. When the ambulance came, my dad stayed behind to meet with the police to make a report while I rode off in the ambulance with my mom.

According to the report the other driver made to the police: we stopped suddenly in front of him which is why he hit us (a lie.) He also made no mention of hydroplaning which would have been a better lie since it was raining heavily outside. All of this to hide the fact that he was texting since he would have been in bigger trouble with the law. Thankfully the claims adjuster, who totaled my car, knew better when he saw the damages.

I’m not at liberty to speak about my parents injuries, but I can speak about my own. I suffered from severe whiplash and lost 50% range of motion in my neck. To give you perspective, I was only able to turn my head so far until I had to move the rest of my body to compensate. My trunk, including my spine, had issues and vertebrae would occasionally pop out of place. It took about 10 months of treatment in order for me to be a functioning human again. I’m grateful to my chiropractor and medical massage therapist for all that they did.

I still have lingering issues that will never go away even though my team did all they could to treat me. The range of motion in my neck is considerably better. However turning my head to the left is still uncomfortable. When I shot Background over the summer, one of the scenes required me to turn my head to the left at a frequent pace. I was left in severe pain for the next few days after. My muscles atrophied significantly since I was not permitted to workout during my treatment. I feel extremely weak right now.

All is not lost though. I have been doing more fitness wise and I hope to be back in fighting shape very soon. I’m also looking into other therapies to see if I can make an improvement on my neck. The big miracle in all of this is that my parents and I are alive and walking. Cars are replaceable, people are not.

Deleted Post

(Source: Facebook.)

I previously made a post about some strange activity regarding my Twitter. I was advised to delete it and block the profiles following me. Maybe one of these days I’ll be petty with a purpose, but not this day. 😑

Re-working My Upper Body

(Source: Pinterest.)

I had a back to back run of pole class and stage combat; now my arms are dead. I’m happy to get super active again, though I’m a little frustrated that I lost so much of my physical strength from the car accident. I used to be able to lift humans, now I can barely lift a shield.

(Source: Facebook, anime Unknown.)

Now it’s going to be a process of reconnecting with my body again, while not inflicting any damage to the previously injured area. It’s doable, I just have to move slowly…Who the hell am I kidding?! I’m going to do what I always do and work my body to total wreckage. Thankfully I’ll have a couple days of rest.

(Source: Pinterest.)

I’m Proud of Myself

(Source: someecards.)

If you have been following me up until this point, you know that there is a specific man on this planet that shattered my heart to pieces. Last year he apologized to me for causing so much pain. Thinking that would be the end of it, he managed to find me on one of my other social media channels and tried to forge a friendship again. I’ve decided to put a stop to it today.

(Source: Facebook.)

I was already very suspicious about why he would try to reach out to me again in the first place. Still, I stayed cordial. Recently however, he started to pull the same old tricks again in the way he communicates with me. No. He’s dealing with the wrong woman now. My heart isn’t the same anymore and I have very little patience for having my feelings abused again.

(Source: Pinterest.)

So I closed off that channel and I’m not speaking to him anymore. He doesn’t need to know what I’m doing in my life now. He just needs to stay gone.

Trust Issues

(Source: Pinterest.)

Today on one of my social media outlets, someone brought up the issue with trust. I want to summarize what they were trying to say:

The problem with trust is that it puts you in a bad position no matter what. You are setting yourself up to fail.

Shocking as it may sound, I’m inclined to agree. Now before I get completely flamed for this, let me clarify how I interpret that statement. We put too much trust in everything, from the people around us, to everyday objects, to even our own thoughts about ourselves. Tony Robbins once said that you don’t trust people while driving. If you’re on a two lane road with a yellow median, there is nothing stopping the other driver from crossing that median into your lane. All you can do is hope for the best and be a defensive driver. (Which is why courses are offered on the subject.)

I also don’t interpret it as people out to get me either. Yeah, there are some people in my life like that (and I have mentioned them before on this blog.) What I took from it is that even promises made with good intentions can fall through, and ultimately lead to disappointment.

People can be really nice, but very toxic and drag your energy down. Sometimes your fear lies to you and tells you it’s your intuition speaking. You can have that trusty tool you always use to fix things and all of a sudden it breaks.

So I have learned to replace trust with faith. My life has improved greatly when I operated from faith instead of trust. Trust has always burned me. Do your research, ask questions, make educated decisions, and always hope for the best.