In this second post; instead of talking about what I’m getting into currently, I want to discuss the wanting of hopes and dreams. I will be the first to admit my guilt of hoping, wishing and praying for a specific outcome. Willing things into existence and forcing a certain outcome, all to no avail. We all push for something we really want that might not be meant for us. Do I have roles that I want to play? Absolutely! Are there certain things that I want in my personal life? Absolutely! Do I want more money? Um, YEAH! This is where things get ugly. Where I start to curse the Universe for not giving me exactly what I want even if it does not serve me. Now before we get any further, let me note that this is not a shaming post. Many times we and I hear ‘positive’ people tend to put us down for really wanting it. “You shouldn’t want that, you have to be open and walk in faith.” Well that helps nothing and in essence is another layer of guilt. Nor is this a ranting post about those people. Their intentions are pure; and because they are people too, like us they were raised to embrace and spew guilt. It’s a vicious cycle.
So where does that leave us? I think even if you take the wrong step, it’s a step. It’s perfectly ok to want something even if it’s not meant for you because it shows drive. Even when you don’t get it and have to lick your wounds, it meant you fought for something. It may still come to you…just in an imperfect way and that’s cool too! Hell, I never wanted to be an actress or a blogger in the first place but here I am. (Side Note: I did want to be a model, but just for fun.) My goals are much different now from even 3 years ago. Today I’m about a week out from finishing my FIRST Shakespeare play. An author I had zero interest in the past and now I’m totally hooked on. I write about my experiences all over social media and had to condense down to a blog for all to read. I previously only had Facebook, now, you can find me everywhere! Many of my previous goals and how I lived my life had blown up to smithereens right in front of me. Frankly I’m still beside myself on most things but that will be for a different post. Today is just for this post and I still have those questions: will I land those dream roles? Who knows. Will I get those things I really want in my personal life? Who knows. Will I finally make more money? Maybe? What is meant to be, will be. Until then, I will keep trying even if I fail.