I will preface by saying that some things are going right. I did land a role in “Carmilla”. I booked a gig and an audition for a local commercial. This blog site is catching fire and after I clean up the site, it will get even better. But all of this is coming at the heels of a family emergency that will cost us more money than we actually have and cuts into our daily schedule.
So the question is how to maintain your sanity in a career where poverty is perpetual and still be able to accomplish your goals? The big thing is not to be concerned with money. (This is a biggie for me because that is what motivated me in the past.) One of the exercises that I have been doing is taking stock of how I have managed so far. Like I have mentioned in a previous post I have lived through extreme poverty. And in the same post I also mentioned being homeless. I have a roof over my head currently and that is fantastic. (I couldn’t be more grateful.) Money however is getting back to that scary level though and that is what makes me a little nervous. One plus side is that I recorded a podcast detailing this story which, as soon as I get the link, I will share on this blog. What’s so cool about that? They paid me for it! (See; no “test”, no testimony.) Keeping track of the gigs I booked and how my resume is building up is helping as well. I’m doing my best to NOT rush the process like I normally do.
In the past I used to do a blitzkreig of sorts to try and make money, even at the cost of being employed somewhere I don’t want to be or loving my job but adding 2 more to an already exhausting schedule. My experience was mostly retail and restaurant. I only peppered in the pole dancing and human resources gigs later. What I really wanted and what I still want right now is to be able to sustain myself and not rest on the laurels of others. Unfortunately I feel that way now which is causing quite a bit of guilt. Nothing would make me happier than to be that strong, independent woman. I’m already not dependent on a man (and I pray I never do.) Dependent on my family? Sadly yes and believe me I hear it everyday. I have a survival job but I would like to do more paid gigs in my field. I just want to be free.