13 Reasons Why

I have not seen this show. I’m on the fence about it really. However, since I’m connected to my family and friends on social media, they have opened up a platform for discussion.  Here’s why I’m on the fence about it:

In the recent past, I have felt suicidal. Believe it or not, getting accepted to school kind of saved me from stepping off of the ledge so to speak. 

(Source: paprika.tumblr.com and Buzzfeed)

A time when it was really bad was this past Summer of 2016. I was so depressed and nauseous, that I couldn’t eat. I had hoped that starvation would have been my end. Even now I question why I survived my car accident. So watching this show may be too much of a trigger for me while I’m trying to get my mind right.

While (thank goodness) I have never been a victim of rape, I have been a victim of bullying when I was 12. It was a horrible experience and I was triggered with those feelings again when the poor girl Amy Joyner Francis, who attended my sister high school, died after being jumped by several girls in the bathroom. They bragged about her death afterward on social media. I still don’t think they were punished enough in court. Watching a show that includes this would only put me into a tailspin of rage.

There are reports that the character’s suicide was a subtle act of revenge. That somehow in her death those who wronged her now are suddenly overcome with grief, guilt, and completely change their ways…As I wrote in the paragraph above, the girls who caused Miss Francis’ death felt no remorse. The only ones who did were the people who loved and supported her to begin with. So that right there, is an almost guaranteed backfire. On top of that, it’s almost sociopathic…Here’s my explanation, one of the friendships I had to cut off recently was due to Self-Victimization. She took a tragedy in her life as a means of manipulation and abuse to others who were not the originators of the tragedy. In my case, it actually put me in a physically dangerous position when, as it turns out, she had no intentions resolving the problem. Even worse, she had a mass of support to help her RECOVER from the tragedy, and not only refuse the help, but spit in our faces in the process. In the character’s case (and so I heard) she actually had someone who wanted to help her while she was still alive. She turned it down. Then killed her self. Then made a tape dedicated to him to make him feel guilty for her death….I’m sorry, that classifies this as something a sociopath would do.

The only thing that completely prevents me from saying “No” to this show is the fact that it has opened up conversation. Suicide is something that gets glossed over quite a bit, so having a safe space to talk about it now is quite refreshing. Who knows when I will start in this show, but it won’t be right now while I’m still too vulnerable.

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