My Career Is Stagnant At The Moment…

(Taken late last month.)

There’s not much I can do about it. What I can do is take stock of where I’m at now:

•SAG eligible

•A decent theatre resume

•A film credit

•Nominated for a regional award

That’s what I have for the time being, though I managed to get this done at a rapid pace of 3 years (SAG alone takes some people a decade.)

Right now, the only thing I have going on is my YouTube channel until I work another film in 2019. I’ll try to keep this page updated on any industry related things that may come up in the meantime.

At Another’s Expense

(Source: Facebook.)

If you were following my blog up to this point, you would know that I currently have three jobs. Pole Dance Instructor, Arthouse Movie Theatre Projectionist, and Host/Server at a popular restaurant.

Recently, at the restaurant, I managed to pick up more serving shifts and ultimately that means more money in my pocket. However, that came at a cost: the person to trained me on the restaurant’s system was removed from the schedule.

I don’t like it.

Let’s be clear that I’m in no way ungrateful for the extra income (I NEED it), but I was hoping to earn it on my own merits and not because someone was forcibly removed. If you’re wondering if there was a valid reason for their removal? Yes. I will not disclose why though.

The next question you may be wondering is, if there was a valid reason this person had to go, why do you feel guilty about it? Well, as I stated earlier, they trained me. It’s a really ugly situation when companies require employees to train their replacements when they’re being let go by said company. Even worse when you train someone, get let go, and then find out that person you trained filled your spot. It feels sneaky.

Personally, I prefer to cover shifts for people. When they can’t for reasons due to illness or conflict of schedule. Better yet if they are quitting their position and are training their replacement to do the job well. I like to call this “an approved exchange” where no one gets hurt.

I liked this person. I bore no ill will, though I had concerns. They were cool and easy to talk to. Plus, believe it or not, they did train me well and did their job well when they could. It also worries me that I may be blocking my own blessings from feeling immense guilt about it. In the grand scheme of things, this job is temporary. Hopefully this sick feeling I have subsides by the time I leave.

Poor Casting Choice

(Source: Mean Girls, Paramount Pictures.)

Everyone is up in arms about Scarlett Johansson playing a trans man in her newest film. This, coming after the backlash of whitewashing the role of Motoko Kusanagi from ‘Ghost in the Shell.’ I don’t dislike her, though there are some things about her association with Woody Allen to be problematic. I don’t think this role is right for her.

Before I go any further, let me admit that I have played roles that did not fit my cultural background, gender, sexual orientation, or age group. If an actor does their job well, then you should know them by the role they embody more than the person themselves. However, Scarlett Johansson has reached the point in several of her roles where she is “Scarlett” in a film, and not the character she is playing. Therefore, the character of Dante Gill will not be portrayed correctly.

Now if it were up to me to find an actual trans man, who looks like Gill, and can act, that would be my preference. It’s a challenge, however, since I would have an extremely small pool to work from. The closest I would be able cast is Lea DeLaria from ‘Orange is the New Black.’

The biggest issue I have with casting films in Hollywood is the cronyism associated with it. In this case Ms. Johansson is working with the same director from ‘GITS’, which is pissing people off further (myself included.) I get it: if you want to work consistently, it’s best to build a strong network and work with many of the same people. Roles like Gill need a little more thought and use of common sense before calling up your homie to take the part….

But I digress.

Big Things In The Works!!!

(Taken Monday after my epiphany.)

While I was rambling on one of my Instagram stories (saved in the highlights) about one of the films we showed at work: I thought about vlogging film and television reviews. A friend of mine suggested I use a separate platform as to not disrupt my current social media brand. Well that sparked something.

Currently I have an active YouTube channel that I use specifically for self-tape auditions. Since those links are usually private, I don’t have other content posted for the public to view. Until now.

Posting reviews is hardly anything new and there is plenty of competition out there for me. However, I just want a platform to air my grievances at other people over what I should actually be doing myself…work in the film industry. That is the premise. You are going to watch an actress who is also trained in the technical side of film, bitch and complain about why the production was bad, while also praising what’s good about it.

Don’t expect it to be comedic. Comedy is a precious skill afforded to few and its not my forte. My biggest hope is that it’s relatable and informative. Just like my blog.

I’m excited aren’t you?

Men, Again 🙄

(Source: Twitter.)

The founder of a website that I follow, has just been exposed as an abuser. Creating insanely strict rules for his girlfriend to follow, fat shaming her, and sexually assaulting her. He even went so far to ruin her acting career by blacklisting her when she walked away from him.

(Source: Pinterest.)

One thing I took away from the article that was written, is that dating someone high powered isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. I mean, dating in general isn’t all that great, but adding fame to the mix makes it especially difficult. Look how easy it was for this poor woman’s career to be tanked simply because he didn’t want her story to be believed? He was worried about bad publicity and his actions have led him down the path of…bad publicity.

If he had not been an asshole, he wouldn’t need to worry as his conscience would be clear. But that’s far too easy.

Anyway, I’m happy that this woman is safe and recovering financially, spiritually, emotionally, to be able to tell the tale. He is a scumbag.

Another Work Day and Maybe Some Good News

(Source: @witsandsass IG)

I’m seriously dragging today on my way to work. While this place is honoring my schedule and paying me, there are still problems. One, I’m paying too much money to get there as opposed to the job I truly wanted which was down the street from my house. Two, I’m still seeing some of the weirdness from this job.

(Source: Facebook.)

To top it off, it isn’t over yet. I have one more shift tomorrow, that is if I make it until then. Nothing bad though. Just an opportunity that may force me to take a leap of faith. That leap would be well worth me losing my job. Especially since my patience for nonsense is extremely limited.

(Source: someecards.com and On Stage Blog. I enjoy working in the shadows lol!)

I got a response for a project that would be filming tomorrow at the same time I’m supposed to work. There’s no confirmation if I am going to be working on this project in any fashion. So far I had to submit more information, my résumé, photos, social media handle, and my location.

What I’m hoping for is to work on the project regardless of whether I’m acting (which is what I originally submitted for) or crew (which I added I could do too.) The reason why this is such a big deal: the person who is coordinating the project is attached to a major super star right now, working in the depths of the industry.

Much like my time at Tribeca Film Festival, this is an opportunity to build my résumé and make connections. I have to prove myself worthy for this gig and I hope that they are willing to work with me.

Bye Bitch 👋🏽🖕🏽

(Source: Facebook. A touchy meme, but sooooo necessary.)

Breaking News! The Roseanne Revival just got canceled from ABC, because of a racist tweet.

Good!

I’m sick and tired of these entitled assholes that think they’re untouchable no matter what they say or do. On the bright side, it also proves that everyone has their limit.

At some point a person with an ugly soul will finally push past that breaking point of no return. When that happens, everything they say or do will be meaningless.

In the case of racist ass Roseanne Barr, I will enjoy this piping hot cup of Schadenfreude Tea.

(Source: Twitter.)

Again…

(Source: Facebook.)

Originally this was supposed to be a good post about work. Especially since there was a resolution and free food involved. Instead it’s a report that my dad has to go back into the hospital again.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the repeated treatments, the surgeries, the extended hospital stays.

I just want him to be okay.

It’s just too much to deal with and yet I’m required to.

Can my family get a break please?

Alzheimer’s

(Source: Spongebob Squarepants Nickelodeon.)

A couple of events happened to me over the weekend that left me a bit emotional.

The first was at a cafe where I was walking to the bathroom and an older woman walking out of the rooms started talking to me. She was telling me something that happened years ago when she was working, as if she was still an employee there. Her relative came over to collect her and revealed to me that she has Alzheimer’s Disease.

The second was at my theatre job. We are currently playing ‘The Leisure Seeker’ starring Dame Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland. The plot consists of an elderly, unwell couple, who take one last road trip together to visit Ernest Hemingway’s house in Key West, Florida. The husband played by Sutherland had Alzheimer’s.

Oof!

To share something personal, my maternal grandmother suffered from the disease at (what I consider to be) a very young age. She also showed signs of decay earlier in her life, that had also contributed to a toxic family dynamic for my mother. My grandmother died when I was 16 years old.

Life wasn’t easy during my adolescence, and it was difficult not to get frustrated when she couldn’t remember me at all. There were times when it was also dangerous…she pulled a knife on me because she thought I was a stranger breaking into the house. Ultimately, I was sad for her. She was a woman who was super athletic. Popular. Loved to go out dancing (I take after her.)

She lived a full life, with no memory of it when she died.

In the present day I wonder if that is going to be me. Losing all of my mental faculties, not remembering anyone or anything. There are times when I feel like I’m losing my mind now. I have horrible anxiety, depression, I stutter, I forget things, my mind is scattered at times. I’m also independent and I don’t want people to have to babysit me, especially in a weakened state.

Anyway, this was something I wanted to get off of my chest since it has been gnawing at me most of my life.

I’m Sticking To Philadelphia. For Now…

(Source: Meanwhile in Philadelphia Facebook Page.)

I’ve been sighing a lot lately. There has been a lot of motion without progress and I find myself super depressed. The Manhattan Monologue Slam didn’t net me much but an invite to the Philly Slam (which I’m still going to.) Still, I’m just a little disappointed on how few my bookings have been in New York and how few and far in between they have been in Philadelphia. However, they are my closest market and if I want to build up my resume at a lower cost, Philadelphia is where I will remain. The question now is, what’s out there?

The last panel of agents I auditioned for in Philly was a total bomb. Now with my new eligibility status with SAG, they wouldn’t be able to represent me at this point in time anyway. Once again I feel like I’m stuck without any prospect of a breakthrough. I was seriously hoping for that one good booking before starting school, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.