(Source: Facebook and my feelings exactly.)

Well…I received my first week’s schedule of my new job…and…it doesn’t adhere to my availability at all. I made it clear in my availability sheet what days I could work, and why I couldn’t work the days I’m not. I have other jobs and obligations to attend to that were scheduled before being called in to this place for an interview.

I’m going in on Monday to see if I can sort it out. Hopefully I can get back on the right track. If not, I have to walk away from it. Once again, another rug has been ripped out from under my feet. I don’t think my heart can take much more of this.

Do I Bother?

(Source: Beyond Scared Straight, A&E.)

It looks like Twitter is cleaning house by suspending accounts left and right. Even if you did nothing wrong, but have certain words arranged in a tweet, it can trigger an algorithm that will automatically suspend you. This is one of the social media outlets I have recently put more time into engaging with people. As you know, social media has become increasingly important for promoting yourself and your business.

The day may come, where my profile will trigger the algorithm, and I have to ask myself “is it worth saving?”

With everything that Twitter isn’t doing, like not suspending our “leadership’s” profile for serious violations. Barely, if at all, suspending accounts that target and harass others for speaking out; but God Forbid, you mention suicide.


The answer is probably No.

So what will I do from here? Probably focus on another platform and build that. Jack and Twitter are on the wrong side of history anyway.


(Source: Pinterest.)

I talk about weather quite often on most of my social media outlets, and for good reason: weather is often a deciding factor in my day to day decisions. Seems extreme I know, but I can explain:

•Since that awful car accident totaled my car, I haven’t bought a new one. Instead, I either walk or take public transportation. This puts me in the elements daily, and I’m often not dressed properly for the weather. Only for work or whatever occasion is going on at the time. It means occasionally having to walk out in a full suit during the summer. I sweat profusely and it’s not a good look once I finally get to my location. There is also the risk of hypothermia or frostbite in colder temps too.

•Since I live in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States, there is about a 50/50 chance that businesses will close or events will cancel due to inclement weather. Just like today when I was supposed to attend a job fair. The coordinators shut it down completely, with no option to reschedule 😒.

•I live in a craphole apartment building with poor insulation. My place is never at a comfortable temperature.

•I have busted my ass in icy conditions commuting to work. It was not fun let me tell you.

•When I did have a car and used to drive, I would be stuck on the road with idiots who drove recklessly in rain and snow. I have nearly been in several accidents because cars in front of me have spun out of control.

Yeah, living in an area which constantly has weather mood swings, keeps you on your toes. While the subject may seem boring to you, I have to function in this nonsense. Ugh.


(Source: Pinterest.)

I don’t remember if this is a subject I touched on here, but today I wanted to talk about reels. If you’re new to this industry a reel can be summed up as 2 minute footage of an actor’s previous work. The premise of it is for the Casting Director and the client they represent to see how well the actor looks and performs on film. Often times when you submit yourself to a casting, you would include a headshot, résumé, and a copy of your reel.

Here are some issues that come into play with a reel: 1) you need to work on projects that will give you reel copy, like very low budget and/or student films. Even though I submit myself to projects like these quite often, I very rarely get picked. 2) In place of not getting picked for projects like these, what you can do instead is pay to have a custom reel made…however, you are looking at paying a considerable sum of thousands of dollars for a quality reel.

Now the latter half is only a temporary problem. Yes, the cost is high and I need to raise the capital first, but it can be done nonetheless.

My issue is actually with the low budget projects, because the producers are now getting very bold about requesting a reel to even be seen for an audition. Why does this bother me at all? Well, if the low budget production was giving me monetary compensation for my work on their project, then it wouldn’t be a problem at all. It’s the NON-PAYING projects that really irk my nerves in regards to a reel. This is to do with the very fact that they offer the footage of your work as copy for your reel as compensation. Do you see the failed logic here?

If a production is offering me copy for my reel and credit on their film as compensation, what makes them think I have a reel to begin with? And if I did drop the few thousand dollars for a custom reel, why would I submit that to projects that aren’t going to offer me a return on my investment?

Where is the compensation?

Now mind you, there are plenty of people in this industry that would tell you, this is a labor of love, it shouldn’t be about the money. On some level they are right, but not quite. My landlord isn’t going to accept my labor of love as rent. The power company isn’t going to accept my labor of love to keep the lights on. My cell provider isn’t going to accept my labor of love to keep my phone on. So on and so forth. I also acknowledge that there are projects that I’m going to do for free and that is perfectly normal, but guess what? I do get some form of compensation for my time.

I get IMDB credit for my time.

I get another theatre credit to add to my resume for my time.

I get training to add to my résumé for my time.

I get reel footage for my time.

I get nominated for awards for my time.

Every step brings me closer to what I want out of this career, to do something I love and be able to take care of myself financially to do it. That’s the point.

This industry gets on my nerves sometimes.

Ash Wednesday

(Source: Facebook.)

Today is Valentine’s Day and also Ash Wednesday. I went to church because my grandfather was delivering the sermon at the noon mass today. He is retired as a Reverend Canon, but on occasion he will speak to the congregation. The sermon itself was quite interesting because I find it to be relevant to some issues happening in the world today: Virtue Signaling and Outrage Culture.

Now technically, me talking about Ash Wednesday to begin with is a form of Virtue Signaling to begin with and I will keep my thoughts brief. However, I did want to share my takeaway from the sermon as it relates to what I see. First, Jesus’ teachings talk about how being overtly pious or virtuous for the sake of acknowledgement doesn’t reward us in the long run. Think about it: don’t we know at least one person whether public or private who behaves this way? It’s not to say that they don’t do good things, but it’s almost as if doing the good things to be recognized, only fuels their ego and comes off as not genuine. (I know of a handful of famous people in my industry who behave this way, but I won’t name them.) I think that has to wear on the psyche over time. Because if you have one slip-up of just being human, it’s far too easy to get torn down for it. Which is why, even though I’m perfectly guilty of being a Virtue Signaler, I’m also guilty of being a Hot Mess too. Balance is key.

Second, Outrage Culture. I’m definitely part of the pitchfork mob of Outrage Culture. Many of us are, and we have gotten to the point where even simple human error is grounds for a shunning. With that said, there are plenty of people who do horrible things, NO EXCEPTIONS. The real question is, how can we make corrections to the bad behavior, without turning bad ourselves? Because one day, that same hammer is going to fall on our heads and we won’t have anyone to blame but ourselves.

Update to The Doomed Shoot

(Source: Metalocalypse.)

“Shit Happens.” I’m well aware; but having to cancel a booking sucks major donkey balls. My fear is (even though I have been super consistent with every booking I have ever done with this agency) they won’t trust me to take on anything else. Or maybe I’m just not meant to take on Non-Union work anymore. Either way, I need to continue to make money by any means necessary and I think I just murdered one of my sources by being a flake (even though it wasn’t my intention.) To say I’m upset is an understatement.

The Doomed Shoot

(Source: Facebook.)

Frustrated, but not surprised. I won’t have accommodation for tonight and tomorrow in NYC. I put one last word out to friends in the area that may be able to let me stay but it’s not looking likely. The very last thing I have in my corner is the pending call time.

If it’s later in the morning, I can still go as there are plenty of early morning buses that can take me up there.

If it’s too early in the morning (like 5 or 6am) it’s a no go. There are no Greyhounds available, and I have to be in the city by then to take their subways to get to the shoot.

Its times like these when I really miss having a car.


(Source: Facebook. When you finally think you’re getting momentum but God has other plans for your life.)

My life has been on one big pause in the past couple of weeks. It’s not just looking after my dad that is causing mass delays either. I haven’t been picking up too many bookings either. That is until today.

I won’t name the program, but it’s new. I’m slated to work on Tuesday when my mom has a day off to hang with my dad. I let my aunt in NYC know that I will be there and now I might not be able to stay. Not by her doing of course. She is going on vacation and they may not let anyone into her apartment while she’s away…damn.

I can’t drive there because the car broke down and it’s too expensive to repair. I’m still looking for regular work in the meantime and it’s been slow going. Needless to say, I’m getting a little frustrated.

There’s an old saying: “No test, no testimony.” I think I might have shared it on here before, but it feels like one of those tests of my patience right now. I’m not sure what will happen from here but at the moment, things look a little bleak. Too many obstacles in my path.

A Sad Story of Unrequited Love

(Source: Facebook. I don’t know if this meme is really appropriate but it was the best one I could find for this post.)

Last night after the Eagles won, a guy that I used to date frequently told me that he was in love with me. But… I’m not in love with him back.

Now I feel like a garbage human being.

Back in early 2014, I thought for sure he would be my boyfriend, but he didn’t feel the same way. Sad and rejected, I had to pick up the pieces and move on with my life.

Which brings me to the present moment: I’m keeping my agreement to myself about staying single to achieve all of my goals and dreams. However, I’m really frustrated that this happened. Mainly because of me being the Goddess of Poor Timing.

Telling him all of this hurt my heart, but hearing that he supports my dreams is wonderfully kind. He doesn’t want to stand in my way, and I’m truly grateful for his understanding. Needless to say, we’re both are going to be a little blue for a while.

Things Have Been a Little Hectic

(Source: Classical Art Memes Facebook.)

Especially with my dad, a.k.a. The Six Million Dollar Man. He’s back in the hospital currently with multiple small surgeries already done and more to go. While non of his issues at the current moment are fatal, he was definitely teetering on that edge. Hopefully his medical team is able to repair him so his entire body doesn’t blow up.

All the while that is going on, I’m still trying to make headway at home. I went to the job interview I mentioned in a previous post, yesterday. It went well and I’m optimistic. It would be either administrative assistant work or in my old field of HR. I’m also trying to find some part time work, as well as applying for more gigs here and there. I will also be stage managing a show at the end of February, so there is some money to be made there. I just wish I have some kind of breakthrough work wise. Things are getting to be too stressful and hard to manage with little money and so many goals to achieve.