🤔

(Source: Facebook.)

Not two hours after writing the previous post about entering into a field of land mines, a.k.a. gross people, in my industry, I ran into one of the people I used to work alongside with everyday. He said he couldn’t be happier that great things are happening to me, and he hopes my career blossoms in big ways this year.

(Source: Giphy. Ok but seriously, who is chopping onions in here!?)

Fine then. The gross people won’t stop me from being great. Which is a good thing too.

I’m strangely optimistic.

Now optimism isn’t the same as excitement. No. Besides, any time I get too excited, the rug gets ripped out from under my feet.

So I’m entering this field with a LOT of caution, some hope, and zero giddiness. I hope to report some progress soon.

Some Thoughts…

(Source: Facebook.)

I don’t have TV in my home right now. I haven’t had access since before I got laid off from my job and became homeless. Which leads me to watching everything by way of digital streaming and DVD. I didn’t watch the Golden Globes because of limited access, however, I tried to keep up with the program by way of recorded highlights and Twitter. There were two major takeaways I wanted to address because they involve a bit of shaming, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy.

First: Why are we shaming actresses who are not wearing black?

It wasn’t required dress code for the Golden Globes. It was an option to wear if you wanted to stand in solidarity with the women who were abused. That’s not an open invitation to abuse more women who chose not to wear black. We don’t know their stories or motivations as to why. Truthfully, it’s not our business to know. Much of the shaming came from other women too, which is incredibly disappointing and hypocritical.

Second: I understand the point Natalie Portman was trying to get across.

She was genuinely trying to call out the selection committee for not choosing any women directors for a nomination. Yeah that is wrong. The people that are siding with her, missed that major point and for some reason got mad at the nominees. Lest we not forget, Guillermo Del Toro, who is from Mexico; the country which bigoted constituents from my country are rallying to build a wall against; the country which our current leadership says has “Bad Hombres” coming from there; the country which our leadership deemed so dangerous, that they have emboldened ICE more than ever to rip families (including women) apart, and wrongfully profiled legal American citizens…

won.

Sometimes we get caught up in the marginalization of women that we forget about other marginalized groups as well. But I have already addressed that issue a few posts ago.

(Source: Facebook.)

James Bond Needs to Die

(Source: Facebook.)

Let me clarify, first, by saying I’m a big fan of the Bond movies…but I’m tired of them. All of this speculation going around the internet about who the next Bond should be is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve gone on record on my Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook crying out that Bond needs to die. I will go further in detail here.

Spectre:

The most recent film in the franchise is the one that did it in for me. Besides the fact that they pulled the storyline from the 3rd Austin Powers installment, they wrote a terrible Bond Girl:

Bond’s main squeeze is a classic example of telling you that a female character is strong/intelligent/empowered but having her get beaten down/captured at almost every opportunity. Lea Seydoux’s Dr. Madeleine Swann is the most useless “tag-along girl” that James Bond has had in decades.

(Source: Forbes.com contributor Scott Mendelson.)

The biggest issue I have with the franchise is that 50% of the films are actually any good. With that being said, why to we want to put a black man or woman in the starrer role that could potentially flop? Why do we need to reboot at all? There are so many options and stories to tell in the Spy genre, that we really don’t need another Bond.

(Source: IMDb.com Jeffrey Wright in Casino Royale.)

If anything, the production company should make a Felix Leiter film. Felix is the U.S. equivalent of James Bond and is a C.I.A. agent. The name Felix is unisex so the character can be a he or a she. With that in mind, and with a little bit of bias, I would like the character to continue to be portrayed by Jeffrey Wright. I say with bias because he and my uncle attended school together as kids and he has always been kind, even years later (when my uncle told us that he bumped into him in L.A.)

But I digress. It’s not my decision to make how they go forward with the films. Though my attendance to the newest film is questionable at best.

A Hard Promise To Myself

(Source: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Bravo TV)

A concern was brought up to me by my mom and I’m in agreement with her. Since my school has officially been approved for deferment until September 2018, anything I do now must be dedicated to my success in school. She could care less that I go to school (I am an adult and can make my own decisions after all), but she knows that attending college overseas has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. She doesn’t want to see me lose it. So that leads me to make some hard promises and agreements with myself:

•If (in the unlikely event) of me meeting a guy that I want to date, I’m to never compromise for him. Either he is just going to have to make a way to see me in Ireland or not at all.

•I should still be acting as if I’m moving there. I’m not going to be comfortable where I’m at in Delaware and should be completely uprooted.

•I’m also working a regular job until it is time to go, so I have money and I’m not struggling to live or pay rent in Ireland.

•This is still my dream and unless I land some massive role in a major motion picture, I’m not to be distracted from it.

This should be fairly easy as I have way less patience for people wasting my time like they did in the previous years. 2018 is officially the “Get My Life Together” year.

Money Management

(Source: Facebook.)

It’s looking like I’m going to stay stateside. I had a conference call with my family yesterday and the money situation is so bad, that I’m not sure I would make it to February. My family would prefer that I still go as they are not happy about my decision (with the exception of my dad, who like me, sees that it is not sustainable.)

I still plan to go to school and I want to start in September of 2018; when the course cycle starts. Until then, there are some things I want to do here to make myself better prepared for success. Besides submitting my paperwork for the union, I also want to take a personal finance course. They offer these for free or low cost in my city.

I figure this would be a benefit to me since I have a hard time managing a varied income. When I worked traditional jobs, I was accustomed to seeing a regular check bi-weekly or weekly. When it was structured like that, it was very easy to stay on top of bills and manage a savings. Things went downhill after I was laid off and had to work jobs and gigs with varied incomes. Working at Starbucks did provide me some structure, but I made so little money that my financial situation was not improving. It’s been a scramble since then.

All of this came about when I watched a video by Marie Forleo. She talked about using her regular income to support her art, as opposed to having her art support her. As a result, she had less stress and was able to build her art/business into something that could actually support her. This is something I really want as I’m tired of struggling.

Her…

(Source: Pinterest, uploaded by Sabine Julieka Danleon.)

I’m about a week late with this post. Last Wednesday marked my childhood friend’s 33rd birthday. The beginning of January will be the 5th anniversary of her death.

Around this time 5 years ago, I had wished her a Merry Christmas on Facebook. She had announced that she was planning to visit Delaware and she was hoping to spend time with family and meet up with old friends including me. I told her I missed her and I love her and that I will see her soon. When she got to Delaware, she had a serious falling out with her mother which ended up with her going back home. Her cousin, who is also her best friend, let me know that she was devastated. A week later she passed away.

I was so numb when I heard the news. I didn’t cry, not because I wasn’t upset, but because I knew she wasn’t in pain anymore. Without going into deep details, she, along with her siblings had a troubled life. She left 3 children behind, along with many friends. When the news broke that she passed, the outpouring of love she received was on a grand scale. I had some dreams about her during this time that she has been gone that I want to share with you:

• Immediately after her passing, she visited me in my new apartment. She looked around without speaking and giving me approval that I did a good job. She later giggled (she had a distinctive laugh) and blew as hard in my ear to wake me up (she was a prankster too.)

• This dream occurred a week after my car accident. It was really weird as it was semi-prophetic and the situation played out as she said: I was walking on a path when I heard a man’s voice telling me that my friend wanted to speak with me. All of a sudden I heard her voice clear as day warning me about her sister, and how she was going to make my life a living hell, instead of getting the help she needs to make hers better (her sister is the individual I referred here as The Snake.) The rest of the dream was about her visiting me again in my waking life. She said that she will be dressed as Captain America (there was a little girl at Wizard World who had the same name as my friend and she was dressed as Captain America. 💗) She also said she was staying at the United States Marine Corps HQ (I figured this was in reference to Quantico, since that is the real USMC HQ, and my first foray into national television.) The last thing she said was “I’ll see you in California. I love you and I miss you.” …….This one I have no idea about. I went to California this past summer, but other than having a nice time with my friends, nothing profound happened. I have yet to see how this plays out.

•The last dream I had was near Christmas time last year. She insisted that I study Hamlet. I read the play from my “complete works” book, but I wasn’t able to attend any of the performances this year. Thankfully, I’m a subscriber of Shakepeare Magazine, who announced that they are dedicating the whole January 2018 issue to Hamlet (weird that it coincides with her passing right?)

I think about her often and I consider her a guardian angel of mine. I know she is looking after all of her loved ones and I feel honored that I’m one of them.

Exploiting Pain For Personal Gain

(Source: Family Guy, FOX)

I’ve been off and on on social media today (mostly Twitter), when I saw the revelation of the young boy who was bullied. His mom has participated in racism (according to many news tweets), as well as the young boy himself may have perpetrated the violence against him by saying a racial slur. I have some thoughts about this, that I feel need to be addressed.

One: the kid’s behavior is a product of their parents. If the accusations are true, this kid needs to learn quickly that his behavior is not ok; that it is still not ok to be bullied, but it is not ok to bully either. Two: the kid’s mother is indulging in the rewards for her child’s pain, and that is seriously NOT ok. I can truly say that I’m empathetic enough to tune into a person’s vibe. This kid was genuinely upset, however, his mother did not give a good vibe which is why I didn’t jump on the bandwagon of support right away.

After all that was said and done there are many people right now with egg on their face, because they may have inadvertently sided with a white supremacist. For me this is the most troubling part…much like this entire year, we are normalizing white supremacy. We reward it, and give it the benefit of the doubt. It’s also painful because I do know that he’s just a kid that is caught up in it; and could learn that the black community is a supportive community. Therefore he could break the cycle of hate in his family. My hopes are not high though.

Additionally (what really triggers me about this situation) is the possible lack of repercussions for their actions. I call this a personal trigger because it is one that I have faced my entire life. I’ll mainly focus on my former friend whom I called a snake (even though I have other people in my life like this.) She had some genuine traumatic events her life, yet would behave badly the rest of the time and cause pain to others. She managed to get away with her actions by beating everyone over the head with the guilt of the trauma, so she would get a pass (and cause more trauma to others.) I eventually had to break the cycle by cutting her off and not speaking to her, because it was an un-winnable situation. She got coddled and praised for her evil, very much like this kid’s family and other white supremacists.

I’m curious to see after this revelation, how it’s all going to play out. Do the people rescind their gifts and support; or do they try to change the kid’s and his mother’s mind? I don’t have a solution, but I wanted to put my observations out there for people to see the red flags and figure out the right way to handle this.

Back to Work

(Source: Facebook and QuickMeme.com)

One thing that I truly dislike about myself: when I know I have something important to do the next day, I have a hard time sleeping. This makes for a very ragged and long work day. Very much like today.

My dad got a call from his old place of employment, the real estate sign company that my mom and I helped cover for while he was in the hospital. He had to leave his route due to poor health and someone took over. Now that person is overwhelmed and the company asked my dad if I could take over one portion of the route, temporarily, until their new hire comes in. They are thinking about 4 weekends at the most.

Sure.

I needed the extra money anyway and the shift doesn’t interfere with the two jobs I currently have. It means working overnight like I wanted and will improve my financial situation. The only problem is my lack of proper rest. Thankfully my dad is driving with me so I can stay awake.

The Follow Up

(Source: Facebook)

I went for the interview, and got hired as I expected that I would. One glaring problem was the schedule. Because I have worked for this company before, I knew that there would already be pre-set schedules with mandatory overtime. The goal was to work Thursday-Sunday, overnight, with mandatory overtime on Monday. That schedule does exist but that order was already filled. Instead, they only had daytime hours with that schedule.

The reason I decided against it was because I wanted to add hours and money to the two jobs I have now. Taking the day shift would have required me to quit my current highest paying job, and would have only added a little bit of additional monies to what I make now. It would not provide me the dramatic financial improvement that I was looking for. With that said I’m still looking and applied to a few more job openings today. I’m also buckling down on applying to all of the background jobs I can find.

My family is upset with me that I turned it down and now I feel guilty. There will be lots of side eye in my direction from now until Christmas; unless I find something soon, and then their mood will change. If you’re wondering if they benefit from me taking this job: the answer is no. They are concerned with me not having much money to work with, especially with the upcoming sale of the building.

So I May Be Homeless Again 🙃🙃🙃

(Source: Pinterest.)

And unlike before, where I could not afford to live in my previous home anymore, this would be no fault of my own. The building is up for a sheriff’s sale.

Currently I’ve been doing some research to find out if it is possible to be booted out so soon, if at all, and what are our rights as tenants. I’m also going a step further to see if maybe I can be a bidder at this auction and what do I need to do for that. The current landlord does have a little bit of time to save their investment before it becomes a disaster. However, they can be very neglectful when it comes to maintaining the property to begin with, so I have very little faith they will take action of any sort. I don’t have much liquid cash so making such a large investment like this is a bit out of my league.

My biggest concern is less about me being homeless again, but about the other tenants. I don’t care too much for my new upstairs neighbor, but they are new. Are they going to be able to afford to move so soon? The remaining tenants in the building are older so I don’t know if they really have another place to go.

Another issue I have is with the city itself. The way that they are dealing with crime and real estate here, is to gentrify the neighborhood instead of investing in the already existing neighborhoods to eliminate poverty (which is the main factor with high crime.) We have a 66% African American population right now (mostly lower income) and they could be easily pushed out of the city for wealthier individuals who may not be of a minority population. The tenants in my building specifically, including myself and my mom (not my dad) are African American. I would like to see more property ownership from Black community who actually live here.

My family doesn’t seem to be as bothered by this as I am, which is a shame. They hold too much trust in our landlord and are too comfortable to do anything about it (then again, I’m not surprised.) All I can do at the moment is to wait until Monday to make calls and ask questions. Until then I’m packing and preparing for the inevitable.