An Interesting 48 Hours So Far…

(Taken on the bus, yesterday, en route to NYC.)

I’m still cautious about life right now, but like I said, I’m strangely optimistic and I feel like 2018 is going to be lit. Starting yesterday, I made the big trek from Wilmington to New York (approx 3 hours one way) for an appointment related to a commercial. I can’t say what for as I’m bound by a Non Disclosure Agreement (more on that in a moment), but as I said before, it may be my highest paying job.

While taking that trip, a recruiter from an HR company (much different from my old one) reached out to me and wants to meet me. This is an informal job interview as she was interested in my profile. What interests me out this company is that they specialize in event planning. As you know, I work events either for money or free admission. I don’t have a ton of experience in the planning side of it, but my skills still may be of some use here. Just like my previous job, this is a temporary agency. That means I’m not bound to the job forever. I will reach back to her on Monday, since yesterday wasn’t a good time to talk at all.

Speaking of events, I also received an email from the music festival I worked this past year, inviting me back. The money was good, but the hassle to travel, the long hours in the hot sun, the lack of organization, and some of the rudeness of my fellow coworkers, is kind of turning me off to it. Let me put it this way: my friend who landed me the job, and was so excited to work again this year, quit suddenly because of mistreatment by management. This girl will happily suffer it out for the 4 days if it means a big paycheck. I knew it was bad when she said she was out. So… I think I will pass this year.

Fast forward to today. I went to an open casting call in Maryland for a very popular show that I cannot name. The main reason why I did this is so I can get on the roster and get a little credit for showing up. That seems to be the standard for many of the agencies, they will know that you’re committed if they see you in person.

Now about Non Disclosures. I do try to limit my conversation about what projects I work on and anything that happens on set. Some programs do allow us to be more open than most, but still within reason. You really don’t want to ruin the project for future viewers, myself included, and that’s a good thing. However, after getting dinged for even mentioning that I was working on a popular show, I’m much more careful. Especially since I’m working on more high profile projects, and with my recent eligibility in the Union, I’m bound to a lot more secrecy. It may mean a little less content on here about upcoming projects, but I will still try to inform and entertain as much as possible.

🤔

(Source: Facebook.)

Not two hours after writing the previous post about entering into a field of land mines, a.k.a. gross people, in my industry, I ran into one of the people I used to work alongside with everyday. He said he couldn’t be happier that great things are happening to me, and he hopes my career blossoms in big ways this year.

(Source: Giphy. Ok but seriously, who is chopping onions in here!?)

Fine then. The gross people won’t stop me from being great. Which is a good thing too.

I’m strangely optimistic.

Now optimism isn’t the same as excitement. No. Besides, any time I get too excited, the rug gets ripped out from under my feet.

So I’m entering this field with a LOT of caution, some hope, and zero giddiness. I hope to report some progress soon.

The Belly of the Beast

(Source: Futurama FOX and Facebook.)

I booked my first job of the year yesterday morning. While I won’t share what the project is about, it does have a possibility of the footage being used on a national scale, which means it will also be my highest paying job. Needless to say, I was excited.

Then that bubble got popped. Later on I caught an article about James Franco and his involvement with teen girls and a revelation by Ally Sheedy. I guess it was a good thing I never worked on his project. Still I am complicit because I paid money to train at his school, paid money to see his film, and wrote a whole praise post about him.

Given how terrible the abuses are in this industry, it makes me wonder if I really should stay in? I know it’s wrong to assume that everyone in the industry is like that, or to try an jump ship so soon after making gains, but I just don’t know. All I do know is that I feel like a piece of crap right now.

Gown Hunting

(Source: Classical Art Memes Facebook.)

It’s 2018, and that means there are goals to be set. My friend and I made the promise to go to the ball in Harlem this year after missing it last year. I have taken further steps to try to get ahead of the game.

Gown Shopping!!!

(Me circa March 2016.)

The gown featured in the photo above is what I wore to the ball in early 2016. It is pretty. I looked like a mermaid. I paid $10 for it. However, my boobs kept trying to escape the dress all night!

(Me trying to do my best ‘Chappelle’s Show’ Robot Dance Party Guy impression. I nearly fell out of this dress making this video 😂)

This time I’m looking for straps or sleeves since it will still be chilly that time of year. It will also mean having to pay full price too…

<<
ource: Facebook.)

Ugh. It's ok though, it just means that I really have to elevate my job search into something high paying to afford it. I hope to have pictures soon.

Flexibility Training

(Source: Facebook. This is me 50 years from now.)

Last night my pole studio had an open house. Since I’m staying stateside, I kept my job here and I set some new goals for how I want to teach the class. My main focus this month will be flexibility training. It is much needed for both myself and my students.

The big goal that I have for myself is to get my splits back (regular and Russian on both legs.) I’m also going to do back bends again (people will say it doesn’t really stretch anything; that is until they have to do something that requires a back bend…so they can just shut the hell up.)

I have some moves in mind that I want to do that will keep me motivated:

(Source: Studio Veena and Pinterest.)

(Source: Pinterest.)

(Source: Pinterest.)

Don’t let the bare feet fool you on the first and last photos. Those moves can also be done in heels (which is my intention.)

The pole room is free just before my class begins so I will be doing solo work as well as work with the class. I hope to document my progress.

Upcoming Podcast Interview, and a Blast From The Past

(Source: Urban Dictionary.)

Good news! One of the first bookings I have for the new year is a podcast. An acquaintance of mine launched a new website called Bored in DE, which details all of the interesting happenings in Delaware that doesn’t simply include drinking at the local watering hole or going to the new Italian restaurant around the corner (both of which are fairly common in this state.)

He is also highlighting many of the residents who are getting things done or have interesting careers. Prior to Joe Biden becoming our VP, Delaware was just a tiny speck on the map of the U.S. and well…we still are. It’s the reason why my Twitter account’s location is written as “Delawhere?” No one knows or cares where we are.

(Source: Wayne’s World)

Since I have an interesting career, I was invited along with two other actresses to sit down for a podcast interview that will also have a live broadcast on Facebook. A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine, Sara Jones, was just interviewed on the same podcast for her career in fashion: Anara Original, her blog: Blondie Jones, and her book: The Playbook to Essential Style; it was a great interview.

This isn’t the first time I was interviewed for a podcast. Last year during the summer of 2016, I was interviewed by Slate about my financial struggles. The podcast as far as I know hasn’t been released yet, which makes me a bit sad. I was hoping to share the link on this blog, but no such luck. Which brings me to my next topic on this post:

(Source: Jeffree Star’s Facebook Page.)

I wrote this comment two years ago before it was revealed that Jeffree Star made horrible racist comments which eventually led him to be canceled in my opinion. One of his fans liked my comment and I was half-tempted to delete it as I didn’t want to have any associations with him anymore. However I chose not to for a reason, this was my true story, and someone listened and liked it. I do need to make some corrections though because I had abridged an already long comment and I want everything I write to be consistent.

1) The job that I was living Paycheck to paycheck on was my HR job. I had previously posted how much easier it was to structure paying the bills and saving when working a 9-5 job. This was in fact the job I was referring to and I did save money…in the beginning. It was about a month later, was when I was living paycheck to paycheck after loaning my family money to live and my car kept breaking down. My savings was plundered and I wasn’t able to recover for a while. Hell, even now I’m still on shaky ground.

•I did find a job while I was on unemployment, working part-time at a restaurant. It was great timing too, because my unemployment money ran out not long after that. The only issue, I was making the same as I was on unemployment and I soon became homeless because, like I said, financial recovery took a really long time.

•I really didn’t have anything to lose by becoming an actress. I’m moving quickly for the time I started this career. It takes people up to a decade sometimes to get into SAG and I managed to accomplish it in only 2 years. I’m seriously looking forward to what the new year will bring. One of the projects I want to book begins the 2nd week of January. We’ll see what happens.

Money Management

(Source: Facebook.)

It’s looking like I’m going to stay stateside. I had a conference call with my family yesterday and the money situation is so bad, that I’m not sure I would make it to February. My family would prefer that I still go as they are not happy about my decision (with the exception of my dad, who like me, sees that it is not sustainable.)

I still plan to go to school and I want to start in September of 2018; when the course cycle starts. Until then, there are some things I want to do here to make myself better prepared for success. Besides submitting my paperwork for the union, I also want to take a personal finance course. They offer these for free or low cost in my city.

I figure this would be a benefit to me since I have a hard time managing a varied income. When I worked traditional jobs, I was accustomed to seeing a regular check bi-weekly or weekly. When it was structured like that, it was very easy to stay on top of bills and manage a savings. Things went downhill after I was laid off and had to work jobs and gigs with varied incomes. Working at Starbucks did provide me some structure, but I made so little money that my financial situation was not improving. It’s been a scramble since then.

All of this came about when I watched a video by Marie Forleo. She talked about using her regular income to support her art, as opposed to having her art support her. As a result, she had less stress and was able to build her art/business into something that could actually support her. This is something I really want as I’m tired of struggling.

I’m Stuck…

(Source: Someecards.)

The decision to go to school is rapidly approaching and this is everything I have ever wanted. However something else came up that I have always wanted too: my union eligibility.

(Source: Memegenerator.net)

Why not both? There are a lot of factors that come into play:

•Money. I don’t have an abundance of it and I don’t have the good credit needed to take out a loan for either school or for my initiation fee. All of it will come out of my pocket. I’m stuck in an either/or situation.

•I won’t be able to take advantage of my union membership fully if I’m out of the country and in school. I’m not saying they aren’t available, on the contrary, SAG is a world-wide union. However, my school schedule will be a full course load and they have a strict attendance policy. This means I won’t be able to miss any days to shoot, otherwise I will fail the course. Plus, in order to work in my new country, I have to be approved for a work permit. Which could take up to two months for that to happen, and I’m only permitted to work 20 hours a week during the semester.

• There are more gigs stateside that I am a better fit for. (Believe me, I checked.) Working on some of those with a union contract would greatly improve my financial situation.

• I was supposed to be fully eligible back in September, but the production company cut my shoot schedule from 3 days, down to 2. The fact that I earned my last waiver so late in the year, and so close to when I would have just said yes, and take off for Ireland gives me major pause. I feel like I’m on the cusp of something big here and I don’t know what it is.

•But still, it’s Ireland and what I really wanted. I collapsed and had a nervous breakdown when I couldn’t go. To just turn it away now would be insane. I don’t think the scholarship offer is set in stone if I need to push back my start date. But I really can’t afford to start right now either.

Needless to say, I’m sick and guilty about the whole situation. What do I do?

After Audition Review, Life Assessment and Self-Care

(Source: Someecards.)

As expected, I bombed my audition. I forgot the words to my monologue and my song, and just couldn’t recover. My nerves got the best of me, as well as the feeling of a panic attack coming on. Oh well.

If there was ever a better reason for more training, this is it. My lack of experience showed it’s ass last night. After my horrible audition, I had to go out to work in the snow, to put out real estate signs (the reality of being kind of a loser hit me right there and then.)

(Source: Spongebob Squarepants and Nickelodeon.)

I’m going to have to make some assessments about what I’m doing with my life and work; because even though I’m making some ground, I have to wade through a lot of crap to get there. No, I don’t expect to have things come easy. However, I shouldn’t be left worse off than when I started. A woman I follow by the name of Lux Atl (she’s an awesome lady) on social media asked an open question: how did you grow in 2017? I really didn’t have a good takeaway. Yes, I have had some damn good things happen to me this year; but the steps for me to get there left me angrier, sadder, less trusting, and for the most part…exhausted. I don’t feel like that is a good sign of growth, and trying to practice gratitude under those circumstances makes me feel more guilty that I’m worn out.

(Source: Facebook.)

So where does that leave me right now? Well, I decided to practice some self-care today by going to the Christmas Village in Center City between my work shifts at the Playhouse. I figure if I take in some of the sights and the sounds, I could possibly get into the Christmas spirit. I also may pop by a consignment store too for a pair of new jeans since I’m on my third busted denim casualty of the year.

Getting Ready For My Audition

(Source: Thespian Peacock Tumblr and Pinterest.)

I’m super nervous about tonight. The weather is absolute crap right now and I have to walk through this frozen tundra after I get off the train to get to the audition site. Plus I’ve been practicing my monologue and 30 seconds of a song, it’s just not clicking. I’m still going to go tonight, but it already feels like a wash.

For my monologue, I went with Orlando’s opening monologue in As You Like It. The casting group wanted a monologue from one of Shakespeare’s comedies and I have performed it before. My song is Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen. Both pieces are a total scramble in my mind right now.

I was hoping this would run smoother, but no…

(Source: Facebook and Tyler Perry.)