Yesterday was my last working shift at Firefly. I bumped into the HR woman in charge of hiring me. I gave her my thanks as she was super helpful in giving me the information I needed not only for the bartending gig, but for the stage crew gig as well. I gave her the whole rundown of the events that happened: getting hired for brew crew, not getting called by the stage crew people until the day of the festival when I already committed to the other job, the stress of having to turn down the crew job I wanted for the job I committed to first. She was very sweet and gave me this word of advice “No worries dear. Sometimes you have to go to the dance with the boy who asked you first. It was just meant to work out like that.” Mind-blowing and she was right. I’m now going to use that advice with whatever I do from now on. Maybe I’m not actually the Goddess of Poor Timing.
As of right now, the festival is already 10 minutes and I’m still not assigned to a bar tent or making any money right now. As you very well know, I turned down the stage crew position because it was so last minute, and that position is now gone. Now I’m working nothing and missing out on money that could definitely go towards my education. I may be super emotional just because it’s incredibly hot out here today and I need to pee. But honestly looking at how my life operates in general…well constant misalignments like this is one of the reasons I’ve just don’t want to carry on anymore. I’m cursed, I swear!
It seems that every time I break down into uncontrollable sobbing, the next day it manifests into something amazing. This happened when I got accepted for school, when I cry about money, when I generally feel like my life is going nowhere: and then BOOM!!! PROGRESS!!
What the hell?
As much as I like having increase in my life, the fact that I have to go into a mode of deep depression is not my idea of a good time. But then again…it’s not supposed to be my idea of a good time, but that of my creator. I couldn’t possibly tell you why this is, maybe it’s to show that I really want it. Maybe it’s negative energy I need to release in order for the good to come in. It could possibly be an alarm telling me that the good is coming and uses my tears as an indicator. Whatever way it is, let’s just say that currently I’m a hot mess of tears, and that most likely means something amazing is going to happen tomorrow. 😭😭😭😭
So, it has come time for me to quit on caffeine. I’m going to do this in small parts, because I have attempted to quit before and got really sick doing it. The main reason is that it heightens my anxiety and causes me to have panic attacks. I’m moving to drink greens instead for my energy source, since they are loaded with vitamins and nutrients. And of course drinking more water (which I’m terrible at staying consistent.) This will be a good detox for me.