Yesterday was my last working shift at Firefly. I bumped into the HR woman in charge of hiring me. I gave her my thanks as she was super helpful in giving me the information I needed not only for the bartending gig, but for the stage crew gig as well. I gave her the whole rundown of the events that happened: getting hired for brew crew, not getting called by the stage crew people until the day of the festival when I already committed to the other job, the stress of having to turn down the crew job I wanted for the job I committed to first. She was very sweet and gave me this word of advice “No worries dear. Sometimes you have to go to the dance with the boy who asked you first. It was just meant to work out like that.” Mind-blowing and she was right. I’m now going to use that advice with whatever I do from now on. Maybe I’m not actually the Goddess of Poor Timing.
By this time next week I will be out on the west coast to visit my friends. One of my friends in particular I look forward to seeing because I read her tarot cards every year. This time will be different for many reasons: first, this will be the first time that I will read her in person. Second, I bought a pretty new deck to read her with. Third, I enrolled in a class taught by Veronica Varlow on how to give better readings.
Even though I’m Episcopalian, I still get drawn to the realm of the metaphysical, and tarot for me is a great tool. I don’t get rattled by it like many in the Christian faith do as, more often than not (at least in my case) the tarot depicts what a person’s current situation is and how to improve it. That is how I approach my readings as well. They tend to be very lighthearted, small readings. I keep the questions very general and usually only asking “what’s next?” I use very visually beautiful cards and I don’t always use reversals (although it’s in good practice). I tend to let the cards speak to me and let them pop up for a better reading. (See Doreen Virtue’s approach to her Angel Card readings.) Overall, I keep gloom and doom to a minimum.
I’m also offering a little plug to all that read this. As you know I’m going to college overseas in September. Even though I have applied for all of the financial aid that I can, I still need a chunk of money in my account to prove to the Irish government that I can financially support myself. I decided to do a fundraiser using small tarot readings for $7 to help me go to school. If any of you are interested please leave me a comment or email for more info. I take PayPal and I am working on getting a Venmo account too. Thank you.
I went shopping the past couple of days for my trip to the west. Because I’m on a limited budget, but I still want to impress. That’s when my dear friend, the consignment store comes in.
Why do I love consignment stores so much? First of all, you can find some amazing, unique, and vintage items at the consignment store. They are usually made with better materials and tailoring. Most fast fashion nowadays, construct pieces for cheap using flimsy fabrics and stitching.
2) It’s very Parisian. Many women in the city of Paris consign clothes. By doing so, they create looks that they can call their own. Always setting themselves apart from others without breaking the bank.
3) Piggybacking off of #2, I love the hunt for a deal. I don’t shop for clothing often, (in fact most of my clothes are either hand-me-downs, or clothes provided for me from various events or jobs that I have worked) but something about buying a massively priced item for pennies on the dollar just gives me a thrill.
4) It’s a great place to buy costumes for theatre or any filmed pieces. All of the background jobs I worked, I wore consigned pieces that made me look “rich”. One of the jobs I worked, a woman brought her most expensive items and lost some of her real gold jewelry. If she had brought costume jewelry instead, she wouldn’t have broken a sweat over the loss. Plus with that deep of background, the camera or the viewer wouldn’t have picked up the difference anyway.
Simply put, consignment shopping is fun, economical, hip, and vital for the actor. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Part of the reason why I’m horribly depressed is due to my environment. I live in Wilmington, DE; dubbed by Newsweek in 2014 as:
The statistics are horrendous. As of yesterday, our city has had its 78th victim in the year to date.
One of the 23 homicides in the year 2014 was a former co-worker of mine: Crystal Brown, who’s family has yet to get justice as no one in the area will report who delivered the fatal shot that night. She was an innocent bystander exiting a corner store after buying snacks.
Back in 2015 there were talks of Jada Pinkett-Smith starring in and being the executive producer of an ABC television pilot with the same title “Murder Town” which caused an uproar in our city. The issue was not only the plot (the only black female district attorney of Wilmington, DE takes on a highly political case along with dealing with the pressures of her job) but there was also no indication of the show actually being filmed in Wilmington; which would at least bring some much needed money to our city, since poverty is the biggest factor for crime. ABC has since dropped this project.
My heart hurts for this city. We are rich in history but it is being overshadowed by poverty, homelessness, high crime, and being held in contempt by our suburban neighbors:
My hope is, that there is industry that comes to this city and helps pull my neighbors out of this nightmare. Without gentrification (which is occurring here. We are 66% African American population and the majority currently) and won’t go out of business suddenly. This is all I could ask for.
As I continue this saga of the search for consistent funding, while attending school in Ireland; one of the routes I will have to go with is affiliate marketing on my Instagram page. So far I have applied to a few different brands that I use and various affiliate sites, all with the same answer…I’m not popular enough. So I need to have a following in the thousands in order to promote. How do I do that?!
Flashback to last year when I spoke to the students of my old high school. One of the questions that came up was “what do you feel is the big problem with social media?” My response was “everyone wants to be Instagram famous and base their worth upon how popular they are.”
I should have just kept my mouth shut. 😒
Today I applied for a celebrity writing job. I have written about some of my frustrations with those type of journalists and how “click-baity” their sites can be; so the irony is not lost on me that my desperation for money has taken me down this dark path. Truth be told, I may not get it because 1) they wanted a blogger with 2+ years worth of experience and I only have less than a year. 2) The writing samples I chose from this page that is about celebrities, either had to do with comic cons or were incredibly snarky. 3) I’m just not cool enough to hang out in those kind of circles and 4) I’m admittedly a little bitter.
Hence the title of this post…Battling Schadenfreude. For those who are not familiar with this word, it’s German and it’s definition is: to experience joy from someone else’s misery. Especially if you are a little envious and seeing someone fail, that puts a song in your heart for some reason. But it’s a little tricky. I mean on many levels, this is very mean-spirited. You wouldn’t want someone to celebrate your downfall, so why do it to someone else? I did a little research on the subject and found that schadenfreude was found to be most prevalent by people who collectively do not like someone. A recent example of this is the failed Fyre Festival. Many people were so excited to see wealthy people get duped out of their money. With the mass income inequality going around, it makes sense. We poor people hate the rich for flaunting their wealth and leaving us out of the club. When they lost out on their money because of a poorly executed festival, it felt like Christmas. But…
This is really bad energy to put out. Why?
Because your deepest desires is to be one of those people. And…
Hate and resistance actually hinder your blessings. So…
You have to change the mindset of hate if you want to be part of that club.
Whatever your resist will persist, it’s better to embrace the fact that your station in life is not theirs, but you will make the best of what you have in front of you. And who knows…
Maybe the person you are experiencing schadenfreude on, secretly is jealous of you too. You never know.
My goal is to identify why I feel this way and figure out how to end it. My reason is due to receiving some news yesterday about a person that failed miserably, and I was too happy; to the point that I had to apologize to God for feeling that way.
I’ve been having a very tough 2017 so far, and here I thought 2016 was a total dumpster fire. That being said, it isn’t all bad. I have received good news today. But first let me catch you up to this point.
I’ve applied for so many remote jobs, only to get rejected. The pole teaching gig that I was all set to take has now been pushed off because of construction delays and now it’s no longer a guarantee. The money I have coming in from my accident to pay for school is taking forever and I keep dipping into my parents cash just to survive. Even though I’m retired from background acting, I had a job offer from the casting agency I deal with the most, offer me a background job I couldn’t take due to my dad still being in the hospital. Most of the scholarships I’ve been trying to apply to have an age limit, and I am beyond it. So as you can see…things are getting desperate. So what’s the good news?
I got an opportunity to help out a friend of a friend this week cover a shift at their business. Also today, I managed to book a promotional modeling job next week that will pay me a bit of cash as well. Add in the money I earned from my fit modeling job, the stipends I will be paid for my performances in Orange and Without You, taking over my dad’s gig, and I will be getting ahead sort of. I really wish some of these remote jobs will come in or if worse comes to worse, get back into Network Marketing and hustle my butt off.