Do I Bother?

(Source: Beyond Scared Straight, A&E.)

It looks like Twitter is cleaning house by suspending accounts left and right. Even if you did nothing wrong, but have certain words arranged in a tweet, it can trigger an algorithm that will automatically suspend you. This is one of the social media outlets I have recently put more time into engaging with people. As you know, social media has become increasingly important for promoting yourself and your business.

The day may come, where my profile will trigger the algorithm, and I have to ask myself “is it worth saving?”

With everything that Twitter isn’t doing, like not suspending our “leadership’s” profile for serious violations. Barely, if at all, suspending accounts that target and harass others for speaking out; but God Forbid, you mention suicide.


The answer is probably No.

So what will I do from here? Probably focus on another platform and build that. Jack and Twitter are on the wrong side of history anyway.

Aww Man!

(Source: Facebook.)

I wish I was more into cosplay. There is a background job coming up on Tuesday who needed Comic Con types with non-licensed cosplay. It’s times like these when I wish I had a spare Lolita costume floating in my closet.

I’m bummed, but I hope more castings come up soon. My aunt is finally back from vacation, so I can resume going to NYC for work. I need it too, money is super tight right now.

There hasn’t been much going in on in Philly right now, though they did just open up the casting for Creed 2. I submitted for it, but much like before, I might not get booked because production may feel I look too similar to Tessa Thompson. Hopefully this time they have a scene with some of her “family” members, and maybe I get picked for that. Fingers crossed.


(Source: Pinterest.)

I don’t remember if this is a subject I touched on here, but today I wanted to talk about reels. If you’re new to this industry a reel can be summed up as 2 minute footage of an actor’s previous work. The premise of it is for the Casting Director and the client they represent to see how well the actor looks and performs on film. Often times when you submit yourself to a casting, you would include a headshot, résumé, and a copy of your reel.

Here are some issues that come into play with a reel: 1) you need to work on projects that will give you reel copy, like very low budget and/or student films. Even though I submit myself to projects like these quite often, I very rarely get picked. 2) In place of not getting picked for projects like these, what you can do instead is pay to have a custom reel made…however, you are looking at paying a considerable sum of thousands of dollars for a quality reel.

Now the latter half is only a temporary problem. Yes, the cost is high and I need to raise the capital first, but it can be done nonetheless.

My issue is actually with the low budget projects, because the producers are now getting very bold about requesting a reel to even be seen for an audition. Why does this bother me at all? Well, if the low budget production was giving me monetary compensation for my work on their project, then it wouldn’t be a problem at all. It’s the NON-PAYING projects that really irk my nerves in regards to a reel. This is to do with the very fact that they offer the footage of your work as copy for your reel as compensation. Do you see the failed logic here?

If a production is offering me copy for my reel and credit on their film as compensation, what makes them think I have a reel to begin with? And if I did drop the few thousand dollars for a custom reel, why would I submit that to projects that aren’t going to offer me a return on my investment?

Where is the compensation?

Now mind you, there are plenty of people in this industry that would tell you, this is a labor of love, it shouldn’t be about the money. On some level they are right, but not quite. My landlord isn’t going to accept my labor of love as rent. The power company isn’t going to accept my labor of love to keep the lights on. My cell provider isn’t going to accept my labor of love to keep my phone on. So on and so forth. I also acknowledge that there are projects that I’m going to do for free and that is perfectly normal, but guess what? I do get some form of compensation for my time.

I get IMDB credit for my time.

I get another theatre credit to add to my resume for my time.

I get training to add to my résumé for my time.

I get reel footage for my time.

I get nominated for awards for my time.

Every step brings me closer to what I want out of this career, to do something I love and be able to take care of myself financially to do it. That’s the point.

This industry gets on my nerves sometimes.

Ash Wednesday

(Source: Facebook.)

Today is Valentine’s Day and also Ash Wednesday. I went to church because my grandfather was delivering the sermon at the noon mass today. He is retired as a Reverend Canon, but on occasion he will speak to the congregation. The sermon itself was quite interesting because I find it to be relevant to some issues happening in the world today: Virtue Signaling and Outrage Culture.

Now technically, me talking about Ash Wednesday to begin with is a form of Virtue Signaling to begin with and I will keep my thoughts brief. However, I did want to share my takeaway from the sermon as it relates to what I see. First, Jesus’ teachings talk about how being overtly pious or virtuous for the sake of acknowledgement doesn’t reward us in the long run. Think about it: don’t we know at least one person whether public or private who behaves this way? It’s not to say that they don’t do good things, but it’s almost as if doing the good things to be recognized, only fuels their ego and comes off as not genuine. (I know of a handful of famous people in my industry who behave this way, but I won’t name them.) I think that has to wear on the psyche over time. Because if you have one slip-up of just being human, it’s far too easy to get torn down for it. Which is why, even though I’m perfectly guilty of being a Virtue Signaler, I’m also guilty of being a Hot Mess too. Balance is key.

Second, Outrage Culture. I’m definitely part of the pitchfork mob of Outrage Culture. Many of us are, and we have gotten to the point where even simple human error is grounds for a shunning. With that said, there are plenty of people who do horrible things, NO EXCEPTIONS. The real question is, how can we make corrections to the bad behavior, without turning bad ourselves? Because one day, that same hammer is going to fall on our heads and we won’t have anyone to blame but ourselves.

Update to The Doomed Shoot

(Source: Metalocalypse.)

“Shit Happens.” I’m well aware; but having to cancel a booking sucks major donkey balls. My fear is (even though I have been super consistent with every booking I have ever done with this agency) they won’t trust me to take on anything else. Or maybe I’m just not meant to take on Non-Union work anymore. Either way, I need to continue to make money by any means necessary and I think I just murdered one of my sources by being a flake (even though it wasn’t my intention.) To say I’m upset is an understatement.

The Doomed Shoot

(Source: Facebook.)

Frustrated, but not surprised. I won’t have accommodation for tonight and tomorrow in NYC. I put one last word out to friends in the area that may be able to let me stay but it’s not looking likely. The very last thing I have in my corner is the pending call time.

If it’s later in the morning, I can still go as there are plenty of early morning buses that can take me up there.

If it’s too early in the morning (like 5 or 6am) it’s a no go. There are no Greyhounds available, and I have to be in the city by then to take their subways to get to the shoot.

Its times like these when I really miss having a car.

No Humor

(Source: Facebook.)

As I still await my fate for Tuesday, I want to talk about people with no humor. With this said, I’m aware that not everyone is a natural born comedian or has good comedic timing (like me, for example.) However, I do think being able to identify humor when you see it, is very important.

Today, I shared something online that I thought was pretty funny…

(Taken today. Source of photo is from Pinterest and Olympic Channel Twitter.)

Look at it, and read my post about being a potato.

It’s supposed to be wishful thinking. Using the photo of a guy who semi-looks like me. The man has abs for goodness sakes. Even at my lowest weight, all my stomach did was go concave.

Yet someone (a repeat offender) couldn’t take the joke and it makes me wonder: how do these people live? Is there no color in their world? Who hurt them?

I think taking yourself way too seriously, takes away from your quality of life. No one wants to be around the person who doesn’t find anything funny or shames them for finding humor in such things. It also shows me that you may not be able to handle life when it throws you a curveball.

When I was first evicted from my apartment, all I could do was laugh. Not because it was super hilarious, but at the disbelief of it all. If I couldn’t find any humor in it, I probably would have walked down to the Brandywine River, right then and there, to drown myself. Instead, having humor kept me alive, calm, and sane.

Humor saves lives.


(Source: Facebook. When you finally think you’re getting momentum but God has other plans for your life.)

My life has been on one big pause in the past couple of weeks. It’s not just looking after my dad that is causing mass delays either. I haven’t been picking up too many bookings either. That is until today.

I won’t name the program, but it’s new. I’m slated to work on Tuesday when my mom has a day off to hang with my dad. I let my aunt in NYC know that I will be there and now I might not be able to stay. Not by her doing of course. She is going on vacation and they may not let anyone into her apartment while she’s away…damn.

I can’t drive there because the car broke down and it’s too expensive to repair. I’m still looking for regular work in the meantime and it’s been slow going. Needless to say, I’m getting a little frustrated.

There’s an old saying: “No test, no testimony.” I think I might have shared it on here before, but it feels like one of those tests of my patience right now. I’m not sure what will happen from here but at the moment, things look a little bleak. Too many obstacles in my path.

NYFW Cancellation

(Source: Classical Art Memes Facebook.)

So I had to cancel my volunteer booking for NYFW. My dad needs attention right now and since my mom works all day, I don’t want to leave him by himself. As of this moment, I’m searching, once again, for gigs I can work from home (or overnight) until my dad’s condition improves.

Good news is, I do still have the stage managing gig coming up that doesn’t start until my mom comes home from work. However, I would have much better luck finding a day job like I used to have. Fingers crossed I find something flexible soon.

My Dad is Home

(Source: Facebook.)

So the talk show gig I was going to do today was cancelled, due to the uncertainty of when my dad was getting out of the hospital. Good thing too, he got out today.

I’m well aware he is on a lot of medication and had multiple surgeries in two weeks time. But something is just not right. I’m not going to say what he went into the hospital for, that’s his business and it violates HIPAA; however, I can say he wasn’t functioning well at all today. The doctors have checked and didn’t find anything else wrong. I’m hoping it’s nothing permanent and more to do with his recovery. Fingers crossed.