Tech Struggle

(Source: imgflip.com)

Good news, I’m now working with the industry insider that I wanted to work with. Because she is such an insider, I’m bound by an NDA so I won’t be able to post about my job. What I can talk about is one struggle associated with my job:

Word processing software.

Not necessarily the software in general, but the version that is downloaded on my laptop…it’s giving me serious hell! It took me nearly 2 hours to get one document done due to tabs being missing on this version without an option to download. I’m super pissy about it because I want to do well and not look like a total idiot.

When I go home tonight, I’m going to play around with it a bit more to see if I can correct the problems before Monday.

Evicted. What Do I Do Now?

(Source: Pokémon TV Series.)

Truth be told, I saw this coming. Some time earlier in November, the Dublin Fire Brigade came to inspect the apartment I lived in with my roommate along with the other tenants. They searched high and low for anything that is a potential fire hazard along with questions about livable conditions. As a result they gave our landlord a list of things that need to be improved along with a deadline. If it couldn’t be completed within that time, then the tenants would have to move out at once.

I heard rumblings that we might be evicted the night before I was to leave for the States and I found out a week later that the landlord made the decision to evict all of the tenants instead of making the safety improvements. *Sigh*

Once again I’m homeless in Dublin, but never fear: my now former roommate found a tip on a place for me to live that I’m actively pursuing. As for my roommate she is living in quarters provided by her employer.

There is still no guarantee of that working out and I’m looking at other places in the meantime. However, I do take it as a blessing. The building was a fire hazard and there were definitely times when I told friends and family that I didn’t think it was fire safe. So there’s that. We’ll see what happens.

Run Away!!!

(Source: Facebook.)

The above picture is me internally screaming.

Why?

Well it’s because I ran into the industry insider that I want to work with, and the situation was so awkward that now I just want to hide. Here’s the backstory:

I mobile ordered food from Starbucks and went to the cafe I normally go to, to pick it up. I walk in the building and she is there fixing her coffee. I walk past her trying to avoid eye contact because, 1) I just woke up and I look rough, 2) I didn’t want her to think I was just in there to follow her. Still as I turned around from the pickup bar, food in hand, we made eye contact. I mustered a smile even though I died inside, grabbed some napkins and rolled out as quickly as I could. Later I saw her post an Instagram story of her pulling up to the cafe shortly before I got there…

NOOOOO!!!!

Now I look REALLY suspicious for being in the same place at the same time.

Just put me out of my misery now. 😔

The Short Film Recap

(Source: Facebook.)

Actually I think I’m just a trash actor regardless.

Ok maybe that’s a little harsh. However, I just saw the short film I worked on in school and needless to say: I’m not a fan of my performance.

My acting through screen coach says it’s not great to watch yourself on screen as it dashes your confidence. I’m inclined to agree. Film is a different beast from live theatre. It requires smaller movement due to the fact that the camera picks up every little detail on your face. For me, it’s not just my reactions that annoyed me, but my vocal inflection as well. It just sounded like I was reading the lines as opposed to breathing life into the character I was playing. It’s going to take a significant amount of more training for me to be comfortable with putting myself out to potential projects. Aside from the upcoming film I’m working on in the summer, I’m definitely not auditioning for any other projects in the meantime.

This is so disappointing.

Memorization

(Source: Facebook.)

I just had a long talk with my friend and classmate about memorization. Namely, we’re memorizing too many different texts. Since we have 10 classes, each class offers something different:

•A scene from an Irish play for Monday’s class.

•A piece of text from “The Tell Tale Heart” for the Tuesday morning class.

•A Shakespeare monologue for the Tuesday afternoon class.

•A scene from an Irish television show for Wednesday’s class.

•2 songs off book for vocal rep.

And that’s only this week.

Memorization is incredibly helpful, and over time, with enough training, I can memorize quickly. However, with stress, a varied schedule, and too many texts to learn, I’m far too scattered. With the way my brain works, I need to dedicate more time to learn a show or a piece of text than maybe the average person.

I pray to survive the semester with all of my texts in place. But I wish I could dedicate myself to one piece of text at a time.

A Scam that Built a Community

(Source: Image Orca Pinterest.)

Is it possible for a scam to bring people together? In my case and many others, yes it did.

A “recruiter” messaged me a few weeks ago to tell of a a beauty campaign featuring diverse faces and body types for a campaign. I was wary of it at first, but I was also wary of a strange email sent to me about a film (MUDA) that turned out to be very real. So I asked for more information and they sent me an email regarding what the campaign is and what the contract looks like.

Before I agree to anything, I typically do research to find out more about the companies involved as well as the campaign. Shockingly these scammers did an incredible job at crossing their “T’s” and dotting their “I’s”. They provided real companies, real discount codes for their products, a genuine conference call with everyone that would be working on the shoot, as well as a real location as to where we would be staying. Unfortunately, but fortunately, the veil lifted for everyone soon after and it was revealed to be a scam.

The silver lining in all of it was that everyone scammed was on a group email and we all corresponded with each other after the big reveal to figure out how we can fight the scam and stay in touch. Now we are a community that follows each other on Instagram with the hopes that we will collaborate on projects in the future. It’s definitely possible: many of us are models, actors, recording artists, bloggers, and brand ambassadors. Movers and shakers in this industry that are making big things happen.

I’ve been fortunate enough to not be pulled into an elaborate scam that affects my safety or my finances. Those people are out there and it’s concerning that they would go to such lengths. Take this as a warning: do all of your research, ask questions, ask others that are involved, and if something doesn’t feel right in your gut, walk away.

Taking a Hiatus

(Source: Someecards.com)

My anxiety is at the same heightened state it was when I had that bad audition last December.

I’m not saying I’m an amazing actor, but I was better and calmer in 2016 and early 2017. After September 2017, my confidence was completely wrecked by the fact that I started having horrible panic attacks. I’m having trouble remembering my lines. My ability to listen and react is pretty much gone. It’s a whole mess. Now, I have stage fright…

I never had stage fright.

Even if my best wasn’t good enough, I would try to go with gusto and power through. I just can’t do it right now. I have one more month before I come back to the U.S. and I’m counting the days. I think one of the first things I will do is see if there is an affordable therapist to help me with this. I’m long overdue for a check up at the doctor, since sometimes my panic attacks are triggered after I consume food. I want to fix this for good.

A break from performing may be in order as I don’t see the situation or my ability improving. I still have a film and a show in the summer, so that will give me time to get the assistance I need.

Reading Week and Some News

(Source: Student Problems, Facebook.)

It’s officially day 1 of my week break with the school…it was needed.

An incident happened with the professor I was beginning to have conflict with that left me angry, in tears, and pretty much left the classroom never to return. I reported the incident to the head of the department and we are trying to find a way for me to still earn the credit without returning to that class. I will share more about what happened on Thursday and Friday after the break because it’s an ongoing issue that keeps spiraling.

For now, I have a ton of assignments to complete before the week is over:

•Reciting a monologue in Standard British

•Completing an essay for music theatre history class.

•Do research for event management class

•Practice my comedic Shakespeare monologues for one of my acting classes and read the two books that professor required us to read over the break.

•Learn a scene from an Irish play for my other acting professor.

•Last, but not least, watch a handful of movies and submit a side I created for acting on screen class.

It’s a lot and somehow I’m supposed to fit a social life in this week as well. Time to get to work.

My Apartment is Kicking My Butt in Shape

(Source: somewhere on Twitter.)

I haven’t really talked too much about the apartment I was able to rent. Honestly my schedule doesn’t really permit for much of anything so it’s been difficult to stay consistent with this blog, but that complaint is for another time. However the time has come to not only talk about the apartment, but also why it’s forcing me to get in shape.

The apartment is really old and the bathroom is scary gross. The tenants are good people, so the lack of cleanliness is not a reflection on them. It has more to do with the fact that the last time the space was truly renovated was in the early 1900’s. I would fetch a guess that the bathroom has not had an update since the early 1990’s. There are all sorts of vermin crawling all over the place. I bought special storage bins for my clothing and toiletries so they wouldn’t have bugs in them. Plus I regularly check my suitcases and my bed to make sure no critters have crawled in them. It’s bad.

When it comes to using the bathroom, I hover squat over the toilet…IF I use it. I just use the toilet while I’m at school or at Starbucks mostly. The sink is disgusting, so I use the kitchen sink in my apartment to wash my hands and brush my teeth.

The worst part is the shower. This is a shared bathroom for 3 apartments within the building with 5 adults living there and for the shower to work it charges €2 for 5 minutes.

Yeah…..no.

1) I need to take more than 5 minutes in the shower just for my hair alone. So in order for me to be truly cleansed, I would say I’m spending upwards of €6 per shower.

2) I bathe everyday, because I sweat profusely and I walk around in city pollution. €6 daily adds up big time. I’m looking at €168 monthly just to take a shower.

3) Since living in film and funk gives me anxiety, my family and I established that it would be cheaper to pay for a gym membership and use the shower there. Right now I’m on a student contract (3 month intervals) with a really posh gym in the city for only €45 per month.

So I’m taking advantage of my new membership by using the facilities for more than just hygiene purposes. I’m seriously out of shape and even though I lost a little weight since I got here, it wasn’t significant enough for me to buy new clothes or look better in photos. This is a good thing. I worked out after school today for 30 minutes and was already super winded. I’m now motivated to workout every day until that no longer is an issue. Hopefully I drop a few more pounds and gain some energy back.

Oh and I took a super long shower too.

(Source: Facebook.)

The Bane of My Existence

(Source: Chappelle Show, Comedy Central.)

For me, singing is unquestionably painful and I’m beginning to butt heads with one of my professors. Yesterday’s class was the worst. I didn’t want to go up to sing, my voice broke down, and I was bored with my song.

It’s not a self-consciousness thing (which is something they talk about in class), it’s the fact that I don’t care. Yes, more professional actors need to be able to sing now. However, like I said in my previous post, it’s not my passion or priority. The reason why I performed in the musicals I’ve been in is that they allow me to be ensemble with minimal singing and I like that.

The biggest problem that I’m having with the program in general is the fact that they are not really listening when I previously said that my priority is acting and not song. I’d rather play to my strengths and not my weaknesses. I can project my voice loudly for a piece of text. Give me Tennessee Williams, give me Shakespeare, I got you covered. Give me a solo song in a musical and watch me bomb horribly.

So now all of this vocal coaching is becoming drudgery because I’m getting admonished by my professor for not singing well; when I didn’t want to be in the class in the first place. I’m only here to complete the credits. If you want beautiful singing, look to one of your Star Students who actually give a damn.