(Source: Google Image Search)
Good grief this was a week for news, huh?!
I’m having a hard time focusing on a topic. Do I write my thoughts about the College Cheating Scandal? Bryan Singer’s long overdue firing from directing ‘Red Sonja’? How about the latest scandal involving Brett Ratner, the CEO of Warner Bros. and the actress Charlotte Kirk?
And that was only a small handful of what happened this week.
I can’t blame this Mercury Retrograde because I don’t believe in it. Truthfully I think this planet and everyone on it has been caught up in a vortex of bizarre behavior since 2015. With it being 2019 I think we are experiencing the worst of the vortex and soon we will be out of it (if we all survive that is.)
Until then, I’m just going to keep my nose to the grindstone and mind my business. This is too much.
Some information was just revealed to me not that long ago. Another case of student harassment by a different professor. While I was not affected by this person (they are one of my professors, but I’m not a target of their harassment) several of my classmates were, making it a much bigger problem than what I previously experienced with my case last year.
This complaint is still ongoing so I don’t want to lay out details just in case someone from the school may be following, but a person involved asked me advice on how to report and navigate the situation. I was happy to help because what is currently happening is NOT OK.
I think what infuriates me the most is the fact that although this is a different professor, it’s the same department. There are also rumblings about another separate professor who is also known for bullying which makes me wonder what the hell is going on in this school?! Another thing: the students are well aware that they are going to deal with this personality type (if you could call it that) in the field. So why do they have to encounter it in an educational institution? The one place where they are, and are supposed to be the most vulnerable?
Is it to discourage them from this business?
Is it to offer “tough love”?
Or is it that the leadership here feels emboldened to be the abusers they truly are?
The reason why I used the select meme above was for a good reason; I’m sick and tired of the dusty ass trope telling actors to develop thicker skin in order to survive this business. Trust me when I say this: we have thick skin. We are also well trained in discernment. We know when we are given constructive criticism or when it’s just plain disrespect. So the assumption that we are thin skinned is insulting. You know who’s thin skinned? Abusers.
Somehow my Event Management class got roped into putting on a fundraiser for the school and I have to be present for it now in order to pass. 😒
The Musical Theatre students will put on a show while the rest of us, including myself, will be serving drinks and food to the guests. I’m already a little put off by the whole thing for good reason: they want all of the servers to dress in costume which we have to provide ourselves, with no reimbursement. The event is already Black Tie. No biggie since I do keep gowns for special occasions. However, dressing up as a character from a musical theatre production that I will never wear again, chaps my ass. I think everyone working would have been better served to adhere to the dress code of the guests present.
Another thing that bothers me is that the person who’s property we are using is famous. He has been featured in the tabloids on numerous occasions for all of his philanthropy and this event is no exception. So now in addition to being dressed as a goofy character, I’m now going to have to avoid the paparazzi like the plague while trying to work so they can get good pictures of our host and his guests.
It was easy to not get in the way at Tribeca since I was not authorized to stand on the red carpets or in the way of the celebrities being photographed. This time…not so much. Pray that my rear end doesn’t block anyone’s shot.
(Source: Chappelle Show, Comedy Central)
As it turns out, work with the industry insider hasn’t been slowing down at all. For some reason the other members of my team aren’t sharing the workload with me. I think it’s mainly due to me being “out of sight, out of mind.” Since I have to make a quick trip back to the States this weekend for Production Assistant training anyway, I may see if there is time in my schedule to pop in and open the lines of communication between me and the other team members. But I still have the gig which is good. I’m hoping to learn more as I go along and plug in the hours I need for internship credits.
(Source: L.A. Magazine and Pinterest.)
So onto the happier stuff. My training is this weekend and I couldn’t be more stoked! The place that is training me doesn’t offer too many of these workshops since it’s mostly genuine production crew members that train us. They are far too busy. My sincerest hope is to make more connections on the West Coast. The opportunity for me to travel out there has opened up this year, now making me Bi-Coastal like I dreamed; and with that I want to take on as much work as possible whether it’s in front of the camera or behind. I know full well that PA work is grueling and thankless, but it is work. It is relevant to my industry, and it puts next to the people I will hope to be working with regularly. Wish me luck!
I feel like I’m caught in a giant pause right now and it doesn’t feel good at all. Work with the insider has slowed down. School is still a mess. I’m still searching for gigs.
Everything just feels so…blah.
The other part to this issue is that I feel like I’m on the cusp of something major. The problem is, I don’t feel prepared for it at all. Do I pray for clarity? Do I twiddle my thumbs in the meantime? Do I try to distract myself with something else? I need to feel productive or else I just feel useless.
As I sit here huddled under a thousand blankets, I wanted to update you on some of the things going on in my life.
1) The internship with the industry insider is going well. Since I deal with sensitive information, I can’t say what work I’m doing, but I do like it. It may be an alternative career path if/or when I get tired of acting.
2) I’m heading back to Dublin soon on a wing and a prayer. I have two leads for a place to stay. Hopefully one of them works out. If not, I’ll either stay in a hostel or if money is way too tight, then I’ll come back home. If that does happen, then I will defer the semester and come back in September with hopefully more money saved in the bank.
3) I managed to figure out some of the software on my laptop via a crap-ton of tutorials on YouTube. Yay, I don’t feel as computer illiterate anymore!
4) I have production assistant training coming soon. That will be in Los Angeles early spring. I needed to have an industry related career that was freelance and could also put cash in my pocket between gigs. I’m really excited to get to work on that.
That’s all for now. Pray that I don’t freeze into a popsicle in the meantime.
(Filter courtesy of Snapchat.)
If you follow me on Instagram, I posted a story that many of my friends and family responded to me as depressing. While it may be, it was the truth.
2018, even with the good things that happened, was absolute garbage. Many of the goals I set for myself did not come into fruition. As a result I chose not to set new goals or resolutions for 2019. This way I have no expectations or disappointment when recapping 2019 on December 31st. It just is.
I also said there’s work to do, which is absolutely true. I have a workshop this weekend and an audition next Tuesday. I’m still without a home in Dublin (though I’m searching frantically) so I messaged the head of the department about what my options are if I can’t find a place before the 14th when the new semester starts.
As far as the school is concerned, I managed to get a shared lead role in a heavily abridged version of Shakespeare’s ‘The Tempest’ as Prospero. If I’m completely screwed to come back, the show will go on with the other actor fully taking on the mantle of Prospero which gives me comfort. I hate having to drop out of projects with no coverage.
I think this new year will be ok. There were definitely opportunities that presented themselves that I felt I should take. The main thing I need to do is stop thinking there’s only one way to have a successful acting career. That will open up things a bit.
Actually I think I’m just a trash actor regardless.
Ok maybe that’s a little harsh. However, I just saw the short film I worked on in school and needless to say: I’m not a fan of my performance.
My acting through screen coach says it’s not great to watch yourself on screen as it dashes your confidence. I’m inclined to agree. Film is a different beast from live theatre. It requires smaller movement due to the fact that the camera picks up every little detail on your face. For me, it’s not just my reactions that annoyed me, but my vocal inflection as well. It just sounded like I was reading the lines as opposed to breathing life into the character I was playing. It’s going to take a significant amount of more training for me to be comfortable with putting myself out to potential projects. Aside from the upcoming film I’m working on in the summer, I’m definitely not auditioning for any other projects in the meantime.
This is so disappointing.
(Taken last night when I walked into the house.)
I made it! It feels so good to be home too. Yes, things are finally calming down with school, but I still felt scattered and out of sorts. Landing on American soil not only rejuvenated my spirit, but calmed some of the anxiety I was feeling.
A couple of good things came out of my move to Ireland. 1) I’m down 20 lbs with 40 more to go. As long as I continue to work out while I’m home I should be able to shave off another 15 while I’m here. 2) I have a deeper appreciation for what I had back home. Things look less bleak and I’m ready to work my butt off as well.
I hope to post more now that I have a bit more time to work on my own projects. In the meantime, I’m going to rest.
(Source: Student Problems Facebook.)
One. More. Class.
Then I fly out on Tuesday morning back to the United States, and not a moment too soon. To say this semester kicked my ass is an understatement. Yes, it did improve, and so did I. However, the steps it took to get here were super treacherous. This trip back home will be a bit of a reprieve.
There are some updates I wanted to include in this post that I talked about in recent days:
• I’m no longer in the professor’s course that disrespected me in front of the entire class. I had to take the case up with the head of my major’s department and the academic dean to move me out of his class. I was moved to a different professor’s course where I’m ACTUALLY LEARNING my craft and it’s not being treated like a contestant for the teacher’s favorite student. The original professor still infuriates me. Not only in how he treated me, but the rumblings I’m hearing from how he is treating the other students. It also doesn’t help that he’s industry (working actor) too. If I ever have to work with him in a professional setting and he is disrespectful to me again, I hope I will be in a position of power by that point in time to call him out on his bullying instead of taking myself out of the situation like I did in class; which made me feel powerless. I suspect that is what he wanted all along. To make me feel powerless. He is a bully after all.
• The classmate finally came around and contributed the bare minimum to the group project and no need to “correct” my paper. Between my friend who also worked on the project calling them out their lack of effort and my email, it seems that kicked them in the pants enough to do some work. I hope to never have to work on another project with them ever again.
• The short film I worked on is coming together fast! We only shot it this past Wednesday and there is already a rough cut that was sent to the directors and the producer/writer of the production. Soon I hope to use some of the footage for my own show reel. Finally a friggin reel. It’s all coming together.
Aside from the updates, I managed to book another fit modeling gig back home and apply for some mini gigs. I’m also teaching at the dance studio this month starting next Thursday. My reprieve will be a bit busy, a bit profitable, and most of all it will be at home. I can’t wait!
(Source: Student Problems Facebook.)
It’s the last week of the semester, and, like always, there is fuckery afoot. There are a couple of projects that involve groups that I’m a part of, that are due this week. One of the projects in particular is close to bringing out “HR/Corporate Shamma.”
Why? Well, one individual in particular who has:
•Not consistently attended class.
•Not answer questions when asked on the group chat.
•Only wants to participate in the project according to their own terms and not the requirements of our professor. (Meaning they want to delegate all of the tasks to everyone else and do nothing themselves.)
Now has the absolute gall to send me an email requesting to forward all of my work to them, in order to make “corrections.”
They already showed their ass from the start when when they tried to accuse another student in the class of being flaky; when in fact the accuser is flaky as hell! Second of all…corrections? For what? They weren’t in class when all of the notes were taken and the professor knows I’m writing the paper. He has a keen idea on who’s been putting in work and who has not, so any “corrections” this person has to make is a desperate attempt to look like they did something.
Another point I want to add, is the background of this individual. Like me, they came from a previous profession (not corporate) before diving into Drama School. Which means they are also carrying a massive ego by thinking they are better than the other students here. But here’s the rub: the class we have this project for, is more suited to my previous industry than theirs. It’s the reason why I’m writing the report in the first place. Also, while my previous profession has been pivotal in how I navigate this industry, I’m not shitting on the other students for not having those skills. Instead I’m offering them up to be used to get us the best grade possible.
These skills are going to be dusted off, again, for the most scathing corporate email I can possibly write to this classmate. Including a corporate jargon way of conveying they are not getting my notes and go to hell.