Do I Bother?

(Source: Beyond Scared Straight, A&E.)

It looks like Twitter is cleaning house by suspending accounts left and right. Even if you did nothing wrong, but have certain words arranged in a tweet, it can trigger an algorithm that will automatically suspend you. This is one of the social media outlets I have recently put more time into engaging with people. As you know, social media has become increasingly important for promoting yourself and your business.

The day may come, where my profile will trigger the algorithm, and I have to ask myself “is it worth saving?”

With everything that Twitter isn’t doing, like not suspending our “leadership’s” profile for serious violations. Barely, if at all, suspending accounts that target and harass others for speaking out; but God Forbid, you mention suicide.


The answer is probably No.

So what will I do from here? Probably focus on another platform and build that. Jack and Twitter are on the wrong side of history anyway.

Flexibility Training

(Source: Facebook. This is me 50 years from now.)

Last night my pole studio had an open house. Since I’m staying stateside, I kept my job here and I set some new goals for how I want to teach the class. My main focus this month will be flexibility training. It is much needed for both myself and my students.

The big goal that I have for myself is to get my splits back (regular and Russian on both legs.) I’m also going to do back bends again (people will say it doesn’t really stretch anything; that is until they have to do something that requires a back bend…so they can just shut the hell up.)

I have some moves in mind that I want to do that will keep me motivated:

(Source: Studio Veena and Pinterest.)

(Source: Pinterest.)

(Source: Pinterest.)

Don’t let the bare feet fool you on the first and last photos. Those moves can also be done in heels (which is my intention.)

The pole room is free just before my class begins so I will be doing solo work as well as work with the class. I hope to document my progress.

A Hard Promise To Myself

(Source: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Bravo TV)

A concern was brought up to me by my mom and I’m in agreement with her. Since my school has officially been approved for deferment until September 2018, anything I do now must be dedicated to my success in school. She could care less that I go to school (I am an adult and can make my own decisions after all), but she knows that attending college overseas has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. She doesn’t want to see me lose it. So that leads me to make some hard promises and agreements with myself:

•If (in the unlikely event) of me meeting a guy that I want to date, I’m to never compromise for him. Either he is just going to have to make a way to see me in Ireland or not at all.

•I should still be acting as if I’m moving there. I’m not going to be comfortable where I’m at in Delaware and should be completely uprooted.

•I’m also working a regular job until it is time to go, so I have money and I’m not struggling to live or pay rent in Ireland.

•This is still my dream and unless I land some massive role in a major motion picture, I’m not to be distracted from it.

This should be fairly easy as I have way less patience for people wasting my time like they did in the previous years. 2018 is officially the “Get My Life Together” year.

My Christmas Gift To Myself

(Source: The Disaster Artist 2017 and

Merry Christmas! It has been a pretty mellow one in my house. This year has been filled with so much chaos, plus being so busy, that we really didn’t do much as far as presents or anything big. We didn’t even get a regular tree this year, and had to settle for a small artificial tree from the dollar store. Still better than nothing.

However, I did try to do something for myself this year and that was to go see The Disaster Artist: starring James Franco and his brother Dave Franco. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I have had some acting training in Meisner and the first place I went to was James’ school, Studio 4 NYC. I went out of business a few short months ago, right when I was planning on going back…bummer.

(Source: Facebook. Extraordinary Journey of a Black Nerd Group.)

Back in the Summer of 2016, I went to an open call for his HBO show: The Deuce. Simply because I wanted to see Professor Franco in action. Of course professional set conduct prohibits me from talking to him or any principal actor/director and I was fine with that. I just thought it would be really cool to work with the founder of my first acting school. Kind of a bragging right if you will. Although I was selected initially in the first round of open calls, they never used me on the show. However, all was not lost. Attending that open call was the best thing that happened to me as the casting agency ended up using me in a multitude of projects:

•Quantico (3 Times)



•An upcoming Rebel Wilson movie

•A new 2018 CBS show

•The Show I Was Dinged for Mentioning

For that I can be grateful to James Franco for launching my career.

Now about this movie…

I have a couple of takeaways about the film that I want to share:

First and foremost, The Disaster Artist is great storytelling of a very shady man with delusions of grandeur. For a while I forgot it was James Franco playing Tommy Wiseau. I first saw the original film, ‘The Room’, at my best friend’s bachelorette party. One of the bridesmaids did some Wikipedia research on why this film was so insane, and just who the hell is Tommy Wiseau? When I first heard that James Franco was making this film, I was so excited and he did not disappoint.

Second, I don’t know if I can watch anyone’s bare ass on the big or small screen ever again. Seeing Tommy’s rear the first time was traumatizing enough. James twisted the knife in for me. I felt a little violated.

(Source: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.)

Money Management

(Source: Facebook.)

It’s looking like I’m going to stay stateside. I had a conference call with my family yesterday and the money situation is so bad, that I’m not sure I would make it to February. My family would prefer that I still go as they are not happy about my decision (with the exception of my dad, who like me, sees that it is not sustainable.)

I still plan to go to school and I want to start in September of 2018; when the course cycle starts. Until then, there are some things I want to do here to make myself better prepared for success. Besides submitting my paperwork for the union, I also want to take a personal finance course. They offer these for free or low cost in my city.

I figure this would be a benefit to me since I have a hard time managing a varied income. When I worked traditional jobs, I was accustomed to seeing a regular check bi-weekly or weekly. When it was structured like that, it was very easy to stay on top of bills and manage a savings. Things went downhill after I was laid off and had to work jobs and gigs with varied incomes. Working at Starbucks did provide me some structure, but I made so little money that my financial situation was not improving. It’s been a scramble since then.

All of this came about when I watched a video by Marie Forleo. She talked about using her regular income to support her art, as opposed to having her art support her. As a result, she had less stress and was able to build her art/business into something that could actually support her. This is something I really want as I’m tired of struggling.

I’m Stuck…

(Source: Someecards.)

The decision to go to school is rapidly approaching and this is everything I have ever wanted. However something else came up that I have always wanted too: my union eligibility.


Why not both? There are a lot of factors that come into play:

•Money. I don’t have an abundance of it and I don’t have the good credit needed to take out a loan for either school or for my initiation fee. All of it will come out of my pocket. I’m stuck in an either/or situation.

•I won’t be able to take advantage of my union membership fully if I’m out of the country and in school. I’m not saying they aren’t available, on the contrary, SAG is a world-wide union. However, my school schedule will be a full course load and they have a strict attendance policy. This means I won’t be able to miss any days to shoot, otherwise I will fail the course. Plus, in order to work in my new country, I have to be approved for a work permit. Which could take up to two months for that to happen, and I’m only permitted to work 20 hours a week during the semester.

• There are more gigs stateside that I am a better fit for. (Believe me, I checked.) Working on some of those with a union contract would greatly improve my financial situation.

• I was supposed to be fully eligible back in September, but the production company cut my shoot schedule from 3 days, down to 2. The fact that I earned my last waiver so late in the year, and so close to when I would have just said yes, and take off for Ireland gives me major pause. I feel like I’m on the cusp of something big here and I don’t know what it is.

•But still, it’s Ireland and what I really wanted. I collapsed and had a nervous breakdown when I couldn’t go. To just turn it away now would be insane. I don’t think the scholarship offer is set in stone if I need to push back my start date. But I really can’t afford to start right now either.

Needless to say, I’m sick and guilty about the whole situation. What do I do?

After Audition Review, Life Assessment and Self-Care

(Source: Someecards.)

As expected, I bombed my audition. I forgot the words to my monologue and my song, and just couldn’t recover. My nerves got the best of me, as well as the feeling of a panic attack coming on. Oh well.

If there was ever a better reason for more training, this is it. My lack of experience showed it’s ass last night. After my horrible audition, I had to go out to work in the snow, to put out real estate signs (the reality of being kind of a loser hit me right there and then.)

(Source: Spongebob Squarepants and Nickelodeon.)

I’m going to have to make some assessments about what I’m doing with my life and work; because even though I’m making some ground, I have to wade through a lot of crap to get there. No, I don’t expect to have things come easy. However, I shouldn’t be left worse off than when I started. A woman I follow by the name of Lux Atl (she’s an awesome lady) on social media asked an open question: how did you grow in 2017? I really didn’t have a good takeaway. Yes, I have had some damn good things happen to me this year; but the steps for me to get there left me angrier, sadder, less trusting, and for the most part…exhausted. I don’t feel like that is a good sign of growth, and trying to practice gratitude under those circumstances makes me feel more guilty that I’m worn out.

(Source: Facebook.)

So where does that leave me right now? Well, I decided to practice some self-care today by going to the Christmas Village in Center City between my work shifts at the Playhouse. I figure if I take in some of the sights and the sounds, I could possibly get into the Christmas spirit. I also may pop by a consignment store too for a pair of new jeans since I’m on my third busted denim casualty of the year.

The Shade Post

(Source: Facebook.)

Another thing that irritates me: if you ask me to loan you money with the promise of a payback, and I absolutely stress the payback; what business is it of yours where the rest of my money is coming or going to?

Why are you making a judgment about my habits when you are the one asking ME for money?!

Why should I even give you a dime?

My being generous to others has gotten me burned more times than I can count. It has led to me being in debt/poor, being homeless, not having a car, and not being able to secure my financial aid for Ireland. Frankly, I’m getting sick of it. And I’m sick of people feeling entitled to me doing them a favor. I’m at the point that I should just say no. Maybe I will actually make some headway.

Some Goals Accomplished ✅

(Source: Facebook.)

Well some good news for today: I managed to accomplish two goals off of my list.

Well, the first one is tentative until I receive my paycheck that reflects my pay. Why, you ask? Because if the pay stub aligns with the voucher I signed off of my shoot earlier this week, it means that I am officially SAG-AFTRA eligible. YAY!!!

Two years and I managed to earn 3 out of 3 background waivers to become union eligible. The dues are high, so it’s nothing I can pay out of pocket right away. However I hope I’m able to join sometime early next year.

The second is paying off a large bill that I had and will save me hundreds in the long run. It was definitely a struggle and there were times that I was definitely behind. I’m hoping for a little financial relief as I try to remedy the current student debt that I have; as well as trying pull money together for school (they’re trying to get me in for the Spring semester), and of course, my union dues. We’ll see how this all works out.

Re-working My Upper Body

(Source: Pinterest.)

I had a back to back run of pole class and stage combat; now my arms are dead. I’m happy to get super active again, though I’m a little frustrated that I lost so much of my physical strength from the car accident. I used to be able to lift humans, now I can barely lift a shield.

(Source: Facebook, anime Unknown.)

Now it’s going to be a process of reconnecting with my body again, while not inflicting any damage to the previously injured area. It’s doable, I just have to move slowly…Who the hell am I kidding?! I’m going to do what I always do and work my body to total wreckage. Thankfully I’ll have a couple days of rest.

(Source: Pinterest.)