IKEA


(Source: Greg Mania on Twitter.)

The new IKEA catalog came out and I received it in the mail yesterday. It's a little bittersweet especially since I'm no longer moving to Ireland. What I like about it is that it gets the wheels turning in my head. What would my future home look like and where will it be? I already know from having cleaned large mansions that I really want something small and modest. This is funny since it goes against my zodiac of Taurus, who lives for luxury and having many expensive things to brag about.

But…I was recently very poor and at one point: homeless, so having the largest and most expensively filled home is not on my priority list. I'd rather have that money in my pocket for emergencies, the occasional splurge every now and then, and the freedom of time. As much as I like to work, I don't want to work so much to maintain my home that I don't get to enjoy living in it. My first priority is to move out from where I am right now. (Probably to Philadelphia.) Next will be to furnish my home. (IKEA!) After that, lots and lots of gigs mixed with couch potato time.

It May Be a Good Thing

My relative and I reached out to officials at my school to discuss the issues of my funding to see if there was anything I can do or not. One thing I'm starting to notice is that there is more than one chain of command and I don't think everyone is communicating with each other.

I received an email today from a different official about something that I addressed last week with an official I'm working with and it was CC'ed with that person. So I replied and received an automatic response, which means they didn't read what I wrote.

This is not to bash the school, because they are doing what they can with what they have. My concern is that if I have to jump through this many hoops to convey the same message, this just may not be the school for me. It's a little upsetting since my relative works for this school and their name and my name is attached. (I feel that I'm making them look really bad.)

So now I'm looking at alternatives for training. I really had my heart set on moving to Dublin and that may still happen but with a different school. I have 2 options I can do now:

The Gaiety School of Acting, which is where Colin Farrell and Olivia Wilde attended.

The Lir National Academy of Dramatic Art in Trinity College; whose courses were developed by the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London, England.

Both are very fine schools. Applications and auditions for The Lir happen in October so I will have to move very quickly on this. The next thing is to pick up a regular job and store all of the cash that I can to hustle my butt over there.

If You Really Want To Get on My Nerves

All you need to do is tell me I'm not doing enough for my career or making money. Especially when it comes from someone who knows I'm notorious for holding down multiple jobs at a time.

I'm in a weird spot in my life right now. I was on the verge of being fired from my conventional job because I had to call out to take on gigs. As much as I hate doing that (I'd rather make all of the money) I had to leave. When that happened instead of completely sitting on my ass, I began to help my friend with her housekeeping business and teaching on the side. With that I still felt like I needed more of a cushion, so then I put in for work from home jobs that come with schedule flexibility. You know….so I'm not poor.

But life took a different turn and even still to this day I look for work I can do while doing what I love. Now that I'm not going to school and quitting working gigs during the week, I'm in the process of looking for a regular job again. A few opportunities have come up and I'm going to make those work, along with possibly adding another job to the mix. Tell me how I'm not doing enough again?

Considering the source, it's safe to say they don't do enough. God forbid they shoulder any of their mess.

I really can't deal with people sometimes.

Anticipated Rejection

I recently put in a pitch for a unique writing segment based upon my background experience. So far they like the concept and when I submitted my writing samples…crickets.

I'm not trying to take this as a "No" quite yet, however, it would not surprise me.

If you've been following my blog so far, the overall theme has been rejection and lots of very sad pitfalls. It's been very frustrating, but many of the "No's" have been to my advantage (keeping me away from things that didn't serve me well.) So I'm trying to keep this in mind.


(Source: A Random Share on Facebook)

Which leads me to this: there may be a reason why I am not going to school in Ireland. There also may be a reason why I'm not signed by an agent. Why I haven't been able to book any further film projects; and why I haven't been able to pick up any additional side income since the beginning of the year.

Although how it got to be this way was really shitty if I say so myself.

So what to do now? Well, I still have that audition for As You Like It coming up. The movie I shot background in asked me if I was available for additional days (still contemplating it since it was such a struggle to get to on Friday and it's not an official booking, just an availability check.) I also may have a possibility of a regular job soon.

Still, no guarantees. No rejections either.

Just more financial limbo.

Mental Health Week!

After taking two major hits within this month, I’m following up with my promise of taking a hiatus. The reason why it’s a week, and not longer, is due to the fact that I submitted myself to several projects before these traumatic experiences happened. Now they are calling me back to shoot soon (I still have to pay bills you know.) 

To help with that, I’m taking some time off of social media. In the past I would attempt to go ghost with little success. This time it’s absolutely necessary. The reason being, is that I’m connected to so many industry related sites that the news is starting to wear on me. 

  • I’m reading too much about other people’s success stories when right now I feel like a failure. 
  • I’m seeing too many projects out there that I could be a good fit for “if only” I was thinner, in the union, in Los Angeles, have a huge Instagram following, Caucasian, etc.
  • I abhor celebrity gossip, but too much of it is getting shared on my feed and those people and everything they do make me sick.

Frankly I’m turning into a Hater and that’s the last thing I ever want to be. I will continue to write and update on here, because writing for me is cathartic. 


(Source: tank.sinatra IG)

The Panel and Remaining a Theatre Actress 

My go see with the agents ran flat. Here’s why:


(This was posted from my FB page earlier today.)

As a result I’m sticking to theatre. One of the agents said she already had someone that looks like me that she is representing. While she wasn’t mean about the way she said it, I kind of got the impression that she doesn’t need a twin. So why should I bother hopping into an industry where I’m just going to be nothing but a carbon copy?

 I got the sense that was an issue when I applied to be background in Creed. It wasn’t until I found out that Tessa Thompson was one of the leads and that is why I wasn’t selected…we look too similar.

As far as the background stuff is concerned. Yeah we get paid roughly $11-12 an hour and are herded around like cattle. It’s long days and it takes a lot out of me travel wise so it’s probably better if I stop doing it. 

My training overseas has been hindered, so I have to continue here in the states instead. I was thinking of getting with the Shakespeare Theatre Company and taking some of their workshops. Along with some more burlesque training and stage combat. I’m not really going to make big money in these fields so the businesses I recently got into have to keep me alive along with a traditional job (if I can find one.) This isn’t the sound of me quitting though. All I’m doing is staying away from the film industry. People in theatre are much nicer anyhow.

I Really Can’t Make It Work

As I said in a previous post, the dream is dead. I tried, but none of the scholarships selected me as a recipient. None of the alternative student loans work with my school. I was going to make smaller payments as I go, but my school needs everything in one lump sum next week (roughly about $20,000). Yes, in the long run I’m setting myself up for success with side cash as far as the wrap business, investments, and affiliate marketing are concerned. But it wasn’t enough to take care of what I needed it to take care of now.  My best was not good enough. The most frustrating part of all of this was that I really tried early on to set myself up for success. 

I’ve been seeking out work since last year. I wanted my side jobs to keep me afloat so the money that I received from my settlement could pay for school. That didn’t happen and I was forced to live off it. All of those gigs I applied to. All of the gigs I did work were few and far in between. My money got squandered and I only have myself to blame. 

  • If only I didn’t agree to go visit my friends on the west coast, I would have had more money. 
  • If only I knew sooner about the denial of my student aid, I could have tried to correct it somehow. 
  • If only I didn’t have a fallout with my friend, I would have still have made a little bit of money to keep me alive. 
  • If only I didn’t apply to this damn school to begin with, I wouldn’t have such a headache right now.

This was all a giant “NO” from God and I didn’t listen. I have failed so many times trying to make a better life for myself in the past. This new failure really shouldn’t bother me, but yet it does. I’m not even sure if I’m even really meant to be an actress, or if I’m meant to be happy at all. How long does it take before things actually come together? Why do others find it so early on and so easily but I don’t? Who’s Cheerios did I piss on in a past life to suffer so much now? Why does God hate me? 

I have a couple of more things this weekend; a meeting with potential new agents and the last weekend of my show. After that, I’m taking a hiatus and finding a regular job because this is just not working anymore.

Cleaning Up

(Source: Softwedge Tumblr.)

The landlord of my building is looking to add new insurance to the property. Since my dad is the super of the building, he thought it would be a good idea to show off the apartment that we live in. This prompted me to really get my butt in gear with finishing up the task I started of packing my things up to move. Now I’m organized and I no longer live in a depression den. There’s still no improvement in the college situation, but I’m prepared to move regardless. Hopefully this was the shift I needed to see some further improvements in my life.

Back to School

(Source: Daria and MTV)
 

I guess at this very moment, I’m technically back in school. No, not the school in Ireland…the School of Hard Knocks. An opportunity that I had abandoned five years ago has resurfaced for me to try again: investing. At the time when I was learning to invest, I had much of the information at my fingertips, but no capital to invest. This time, however, I do have a little bit of capital that I can invest; and I need to do so quickly. Time is running out to be able to pay my tuition before starting school. As I had mentioned earlier, I do have a tiny cushion. But the majority of my funding for school had to come from student aid. Now that aid has been denied to me, this is now the only way (besides becoming a stripper, and believe me, that is not off the table) for me to pull together money at a quick rate. All there is for me to do is to refresh on all of the old and new information I need to make this happen. Hopefully this works and I can happily report that I’m able to go to school.

Crew pt. 2

(Source: Backstage Badger Tumblr page and Pinterest)

The musical production of You’ve Got Red On You is coming together quite nicely and I was sent a newly revised script that will be covered in notes by the end of this evening. Being a stage manager in this production is a little simpler due to that fact that I will also be acting in it. I’m working with the special effects crew and managing props as well. Lights and sound are on their own, but we are such a small theatre they wouldn’t need me to call cues anyway. 


(Source: Backstage Badger Tumblr and Pinterest)

In addition to working on this show; God must have heard my tearful plea about moving on with my life since I failed to pay for school. Three job notices for Crew work in Atlanta popped up on my social media newsfeed last night and I applied for all of them as a Makeup Artist (since that is my strongest skill and most recently used). It’s high time I updated my makeup kit (most of the stuff in the kit expired and I had to trash it). I hope one of the gigs reach me back for an interview soon.