Manhattan Monologue Slam

(Source: Thespian Peacock Tumblr and Pinterest.)

I got a last minute invite to the Manhattan Monologue Slam. Believe it or not, I have never heard of this showcase until a couple of weeks ago. One of the background actresses I met on the set of Creed 2 was inviting a group of us to be a part of the Philadelphia branch of this project. They weren’t able to pull off the May start date like they wanted, so instead we were invited to the original in NYC.

They only give us 30 seconds of time to perform a monologue. If they like us, we can move on to a bigger event where we would perform a 1-2 minute monologue. Either way it is a good event to attend as there are agents, celebrities, casting directors, and a slew of creatives in the audience watching you. The event itself is great for networking.

My biggest hope is to perform the monologue all the way through. I chose a brief part from the play ‘Carmilla’ that I was in as that would be most comfortable for me. The last time I attempted to perform one, I bombed it and had a panic attack during my audition for ‘Twelfth Night.’……………………………………………………………Please Jesus, see me through this.

HAMLET AHHH!

(Source: Facebook.)

I’ve mentioned more than once that I have yet to see a live performance of Hamlet. Some good news was delivered to me, by way of Shakespeare Magazine, as they announced a new production of Hamlet at the Gate Theatre in Dublin.

This run with Ruth Negga as the lead, coincides perfectly with my move to Dublin. The tickets are a decent price too. My butt will be in a seat, late September for this production!

Kind of a Bum

(Photo taken today. Filter courtesy of Instagram.)

I have things going on, and yet I don’t have things going on. On the positive side:

• I got booked to work Tribeca Film Festival this year.

• I got a mentor to help me with my voiceover portfolio.

• I have two jobs at the pole studio and the movie theatre.

On the downside though:

• I haven’t been doing much performing.

Much of my depression, I believe, comes from the fact that I don’t feel like I’m doing enough; even though I’m doing plenty.

There are a couple of things coming up that I’m going to try to dip my toes into. First and foremost: Saturday Night Live has this Saturday and next where they will air an episode. I applied for this weekend, but if they don’t take me this weekend, I’ll definitely apply next weekend since I’m already going to be in NYC for Tribeca’s orientation. Also the community theatre in NJ (that I had the amazing ‘As You Like It’ audition, even though I didn’t get picked) is holding auditions for ‘Twelfth Night’. Which is funny, because I bombed the last ‘TN’ audition with Shakespeare in Clark Park, Philadelphia. Maybe I’m just supposed to try again with a different group. It would be earlier in the Summer, which is good, and in a very hip little town in Jersey. The only conflict is transportation, but I will figure something out.

Ultimately, I need to get out of this rut. Especially since it appears that most of my friends are working on various projects and shows (like Creed 2, which surprise, surprise…I didn’t get picked again 😏.) I don’t want to get into that jealous phase where I’m judging myself by another person’s highlight reel; so I really need to do something of my own soon. Even if the part is tiny, I don’t care. I want to be productive.

Do I Bother?

(Source: Beyond Scared Straight, A&E.)

It looks like Twitter is cleaning house by suspending accounts left and right. Even if you did nothing wrong, but have certain words arranged in a tweet, it can trigger an algorithm that will automatically suspend you. This is one of the social media outlets I have recently put more time into engaging with people. As you know, social media has become increasingly important for promoting yourself and your business.

The day may come, where my profile will trigger the algorithm, and I have to ask myself “is it worth saving?”

With everything that Twitter isn’t doing, like not suspending our “leadership’s” profile for serious violations. Barely, if at all, suspending accounts that target and harass others for speaking out; but God Forbid, you mention suicide.

*sigh*

The answer is probably No.

So what will I do from here? Probably focus on another platform and build that. Jack and Twitter are on the wrong side of history anyway.

After Audition Review, Life Assessment and Self-Care

(Source: Someecards.)

As expected, I bombed my audition. I forgot the words to my monologue and my song, and just couldn’t recover. My nerves got the best of me, as well as the feeling of a panic attack coming on. Oh well.

If there was ever a better reason for more training, this is it. My lack of experience showed it’s ass last night. After my horrible audition, I had to go out to work in the snow, to put out real estate signs (the reality of being kind of a loser hit me right there and then.)

(Source: Spongebob Squarepants and Nickelodeon.)

I’m going to have to make some assessments about what I’m doing with my life and work; because even though I’m making some ground, I have to wade through a lot of crap to get there. No, I don’t expect to have things come easy. However, I shouldn’t be left worse off than when I started. A woman I follow by the name of Lux Atl (she’s an awesome lady) on social media asked an open question: how did you grow in 2017? I really didn’t have a good takeaway. Yes, I have had some damn good things happen to me this year; but the steps for me to get there left me angrier, sadder, less trusting, and for the most part…exhausted. I don’t feel like that is a good sign of growth, and trying to practice gratitude under those circumstances makes me feel more guilty that I’m worn out.

(Source: Facebook.)

So where does that leave me right now? Well, I decided to practice some self-care today by going to the Christmas Village in Center City between my work shifts at the Playhouse. I figure if I take in some of the sights and the sounds, I could possibly get into the Christmas spirit. I also may pop by a consignment store too for a pair of new jeans since I’m on my third busted denim casualty of the year.

Getting Ready For My Audition

(Source: Thespian Peacock Tumblr and Pinterest.)

I’m super nervous about tonight. The weather is absolute crap right now and I have to walk through this frozen tundra after I get off the train to get to the audition site. Plus I’ve been practicing my monologue and 30 seconds of a song, it’s just not clicking. I’m still going to go tonight, but it already feels like a wash.

For my monologue, I went with Orlando’s opening monologue in As You Like It. The casting group wanted a monologue from one of Shakespeare’s comedies and I have performed it before. My song is Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen. Both pieces are a total scramble in my mind right now.

I was hoping this would run smoother, but no…

(Source: Facebook and Tyler Perry.)

Her…

(Source: Pinterest, uploaded by Sabine Julieka Danleon.)

I’m about a week late with this post. Last Wednesday marked my childhood friend’s 33rd birthday. The beginning of January will be the 5th anniversary of her death.

Around this time 5 years ago, I had wished her a Merry Christmas on Facebook. She had announced that she was planning to visit Delaware and she was hoping to spend time with family and meet up with old friends including me. I told her I missed her and I love her and that I will see her soon. When she got to Delaware, she had a serious falling out with her mother which ended up with her going back home. Her cousin, who is also her best friend, let me know that she was devastated. A week later she passed away.

I was so numb when I heard the news. I didn’t cry, not because I wasn’t upset, but because I knew she wasn’t in pain anymore. Without going into deep details, she, along with her siblings had a troubled life. She left 3 children behind, along with many friends. When the news broke that she passed, the outpouring of love she received was on a grand scale. I had some dreams about her during this time that she has been gone that I want to share with you:

• Immediately after her passing, she visited me in my new apartment. She looked around without speaking and giving me approval that I did a good job. She later giggled (she had a distinctive laugh) and blew as hard in my ear to wake me up (she was a prankster too.)

• This dream occurred a week after my car accident. It was really weird as it was semi-prophetic and the situation played out as she said: I was walking on a path when I heard a man’s voice telling me that my friend wanted to speak with me. All of a sudden I heard her voice clear as day warning me about her sister, and how she was going to make my life a living hell, instead of getting the help she needs to make hers better (her sister is the individual I referred here as The Snake.) The rest of the dream was about her visiting me again in my waking life. She said that she will be dressed as Captain America (there was a little girl at Wizard World who had the same name as my friend and she was dressed as Captain America. 💗) She also said she was staying at the United States Marine Corps HQ (I figured this was in reference to Quantico, since that is the real USMC HQ, and my first foray into national television.) The last thing she said was “I’ll see you in California. I love you and I miss you.” …….This one I have no idea about. I went to California this past summer, but other than having a nice time with my friends, nothing profound happened. I have yet to see how this plays out.

•The last dream I had was near Christmas time last year. She insisted that I study Hamlet. I read the play from my “complete works” book, but I wasn’t able to attend any of the performances this year. Thankfully, I’m a subscriber of Shakepeare Magazine, who announced that they are dedicating the whole January 2018 issue to Hamlet (weird that it coincides with her passing right?)

I think about her often and I consider her a guardian angel of mine. I know she is looking after all of her loved ones and I feel honored that I’m one of them.

A Background Shoot and An Audition

(Source: Facebook)

It’s been a productive couple of days after the unsuccessful attempt to work at my old company again. I booked another background shoot in Philly on Monday, and an audition in Philly two weeks from now. I don’t want to talk about what project I’m working on this week. Not because they are preventing me or anything (nor would I ever give away any details); but because of the last shoot I did over a month ago, the casting agency dinged me for mentioning that I’m working on the show (I’m taking no chances this time.) What I will say is: this is a very important shoot for me. Once I officially step on set and complete my job, I will talk more on the subject.

The audition, however, I can talk about liberally. It’s Shakepeare in Clark Park, located in West Philly. The audition is in December, but the first rehearsal isn’t until June 19th, 2018. If I get it, I will have plenty of time to truly learn the text and get off book by June. The production is ‘Twelfth Night’ with a bit of a rock n’ roll twist. The info about the audition was forwarded to me by my Stage Combat instructor, who coordinated the fights for Coriolanus this past Summer. They were looking for actor combatants and it piqued my interest. From now until then I will be preparing a monologue and a 30 second rock ballad to perform. I hope to convince the casting team that I’m a better fighter than a singer and to pick me on that alone. Fingers Crossed.

An Update to the Update


(Source: Yuri!!! On Ice. Viktor Nikiforov 💗)

So what I thought was "No" was actually a very delayed "Yes" the film project wrote me back and sent me a script. I still have no idea what part I'm playing (there are only 2 female speaking parts and the rest are background.) I sincerely hope I have one of the parts as I really need the experience to list on my resume. The only reason why I agreed is because of the concept of the script.

I can't go into too much detail but what I will say is that I could be a witch in this shoot. (Since I'm a crystal hoarding, tarot reading, incense burning, somewhat clairvoyant woman with a very loose Christian affiliation; playing a witch is probably closer to who I really am.) This also fulfills my dream role of playing Hecate in The Scottish Play. (Which was already cast when I came to audition last year 😢 However, I'm not playing Hecate in this shoot.)

Another good thing about this film is that they want us to wear as much black as possible. (Easy enough for me, that is the staple color in my wardrobe.) They also want us to bring a prop.(My tarot cards of course!)

One more thing to add about this film is that it is structured very similarly like my story writing prompts. This is a film competition with the contest runners making up strict rules that the production crew has to follow.

•A specific set of lines need to be included.

•A specific character and their background has to be included

•The production company has a time limit as to how long this film will run (roughly about 5 to 6 minutes.)

Both the lines and the character were selected in a random drawing last night and the writers had to structure the story around that. All of this shoots tonight and be a completely finished product by tomorrow night. (Talk about pressure!)

Hopefully, with their permission, I can share the final product with you on a later post.

Film Update and Audition Update pt. 2

Well, as you can gather by the meme it was a "No" on both fronts. Believe it or not I'm ok with both.

I was certain with the film project even after inviting me to work without providing a reel, that they were going to use me as background. I do enough now as it is.

With the Shakespeare audition, it could have been a number of things; all of which I won't get into, but I'm very happy to have had such a positive audition experience with them. I know they picked the best person for the role whom ever it is.

I feel really good because I stood my ground, especially on the film project due to wanting more. I wasn't expecting a huge leading role; I would have been happy to take a really small part even it meant saying one line or one word. But I still wanted that speaking part. So it will just be theatre from here on out unless someone is compelled to put me in their film.

As of now most of what I have coming up won't be for another month and I put so much energy into scrambling for money that I'm kinda drawing a blank on what to do now. Do I take a mental vacation or do I continue to scramble?