An Update to the Update


(Source: Yuri!!! On Ice. Viktor Nikiforov 💗)

So what I thought was "No" was actually a very delayed "Yes" the film project wrote me back and sent me a script. I still have no idea what part I'm playing (there are only 2 female speaking parts and the rest are background.) I sincerely hope I have one of the parts as I really need the experience to list on my resume. The only reason why I agreed is because of the concept of the script.

I can't go into too much detail but what I will say is that I could be a witch in this shoot. (Since I'm a crystal hoarding, tarot reading, incense burning, somewhat clairvoyant woman with a very loose Christian affiliation; playing a witch is probably closer to who I really am.) This also fulfills my dream role of playing Hecate in The Scottish Play. (Which was already cast when I came to audition last year 😢 However, I'm not playing Hecate in this shoot.)

Another good thing about this film is that they want us to wear as much black as possible. (Easy enough for me, that is the staple color in my wardrobe.) They also want us to bring a prop.(My tarot cards of course!)

One more thing to add about this film is that it is structured very similarly like my story writing prompts. This is a film competition with the contest runners making up strict rules that the production crew has to follow.

•A specific set of lines need to be included.

•A specific character and their background has to be included

•The production company has a time limit as to how long this film will run (roughly about 5 to 6 minutes.)

Both the lines and the character were selected in a random drawing last night and the writers had to structure the story around that. All of this shoots tonight and be a completely finished product by tomorrow night. (Talk about pressure!)

Hopefully, with their permission, I can share the final product with you on a later post.

Film Update and Audition Update pt. 2

Well, as you can gather by the meme it was a "No" on both fronts. Believe it or not I'm ok with both.

I was certain with the film project even after inviting me to work without providing a reel, that they were going to use me as background. I do enough now as it is.

With the Shakespeare audition, it could have been a number of things; all of which I won't get into, but I'm very happy to have had such a positive audition experience with them. I know they picked the best person for the role whom ever it is.

I feel really good because I stood my ground, especially on the film project due to wanting more. I wasn't expecting a huge leading role; I would have been happy to take a really small part even it meant saying one line or one word. But I still wanted that speaking part. So it will just be theatre from here on out unless someone is compelled to put me in their film.

As of now most of what I have coming up won't be for another month and I put so much energy into scrambling for money that I'm kinda drawing a blank on what to do now. Do I take a mental vacation or do I continue to scramble?

Audition Review

I just got out from my audition for the role of Orlando in As You Like It, and I feel pretty damn good about it!

Will I be offered the part? Who knows.

When I auditioned for my very first production (which happened to be Troilus and Cressida) I will admit that I had the "nervous poops". This time I felt confident with the text and speaking the language. Much of that is to do with the sheer number and quality of productions I have performed in prior (and a little bit of studying too.)

No matter what happens, I felt like I was home again. Auditioning for Shakespeare was the correct choice for my confidence.

Anticipated Rejection

I recently put in a pitch for a unique writing segment based upon my background experience. So far they like the concept and when I submitted my writing samples…crickets.

I'm not trying to take this as a "No" quite yet, however, it would not surprise me.

If you've been following my blog so far, the overall theme has been rejection and lots of very sad pitfalls. It's been very frustrating, but many of the "No's" have been to my advantage (keeping me away from things that didn't serve me well.) So I'm trying to keep this in mind.


(Source: A Random Share on Facebook)

Which leads me to this: there may be a reason why I am not going to school in Ireland. There also may be a reason why I'm not signed by an agent. Why I haven't been able to book any further film projects; and why I haven't been able to pick up any additional side income since the beginning of the year.

Although how it got to be this way was really shitty if I say so myself.

So what to do now? Well, I still have that audition for As You Like It coming up. The movie I shot background in asked me if I was available for additional days (still contemplating it since it was such a struggle to get to on Friday and it's not an official booking, just an availability check.) I also may have a possibility of a regular job soon.

Still, no guarantees. No rejections either.

Just more financial limbo.

No and Yes

At the request of my friends and family, I did try to go out for another film project. Mind you this is a film project that is Unpaid and open to everyone. The responding email included "do you have a reel?"

Interesting…

I thought the purpose of doing unpaid film work was to, in fact, build a reel. That's what the agents recommended to me. That's what all of the actors I'm associated with tell me to do. Needless to say I asked them to disregard my application and sorry for wasting their time.

And with that said; I'm never attempting to do film ever again.

On a somewhat positive note, I'm getting another chance to perform Shakespeare again. A theatre troupe in South Jersey needs a replacement for the role or Orlando in As You Like It, since their original actor dropped out. I audition for it on Tuesday. Fingers Crossed that I land it.

The Panel and Remaining a Theatre Actress 

My go see with the agents ran flat. Here’s why:


(This was posted from my FB page earlier today.)

As a result I’m sticking to theatre. One of the agents said she already had someone that looks like me that she is representing. While she wasn’t mean about the way she said it, I kind of got the impression that she doesn’t need a twin. So why should I bother hopping into an industry where I’m just going to be nothing but a carbon copy?

 I got the sense that was an issue when I applied to be background in Creed. It wasn’t until I found out that Tessa Thompson was one of the leads and that is why I wasn’t selected…we look too similar.

As far as the background stuff is concerned. Yeah we get paid roughly $11-12 an hour and are herded around like cattle. It’s long days and it takes a lot out of me travel wise so it’s probably better if I stop doing it. 

My training overseas has been hindered, so I have to continue here in the states instead. I was thinking of getting with the Shakespeare Theatre Company and taking some of their workshops. Along with some more burlesque training and stage combat. I’m not really going to make big money in these fields so the businesses I recently got into have to keep me alive along with a traditional job (if I can find one.) This isn’t the sound of me quitting though. All I’m doing is staying away from the film industry. People in theatre are much nicer anyhow.

Ethnic Ambiguity 

Today’s post is inspired by a Facebook friend of mine that was mistaken for being Latinx when she is Caucasian. I feel for her because I have been in that same boat many times in my life. In a previous post, I mentioned I am Interracial. My heritage is African, Middle Eastern, Native American and European. The biggest question I get is “What are you?” That’s when I take a big sigh and run off the list.

Most times though I identify as being a Black woman. My mom is Black, I look like her, I am black. End of story. (Obama is mixed too. Everyone called him the first Black President, not the first Mixed President. Ok?)  However, when it comes to the entertainment field, there are some advantages and disadvantages to not being immediately identifiable as far as my race is concerned. 

Pros:

Anything in theatre or film and television that take place in modern day, will take me on as an actress. Because I look Non-Descript like many others and can be fluid in many roles.

I have played a Middle Eastern character before (it’s not a far stretch since it makes up part of me) and could probably take on more roles like that in the future. (Side Note: I really was a little pissed of at people getting mad at Gigi Hadid for wearing a hijab for a magazine cover. Especially when she is made up of half a Middle Eastern race and religion. Her freaking last name is Hadid! How do you get accused of appropriating something that makes up half of you?)

Cons:

I’m pretty much tied to doing more modern day plays, Shakespeare and modern timelines in film or television. Anything that is period sensitive tends to lean towards someone who looks like the race they are (ex. Caucasian or African American.) 

Speaking of African Americans in film or television; I am often passed over for parts because I’m not “Black” enough. Which is funny, because to a bigoted White person, I have been called the “N-word” so uh, I’m plenty Black enough for them. 😒

There are Latinx roles available. But due to the fact that there are plenty of Latinx actors and actresses available, I won’t take those roles.  Because that would be cultural appropriation. So I pass over those roles quite often.

So there it is, the story of my career in a nutshell. One of these days I hope to do more work that incorporates more ethnically ambiguous people like myself…when they become available. But I’m not holding my breath.

More Hard Decisions

I had originally posted for a few months now that I was going to audition again for Arden and A Midsummer’s Night Dream. However, with the rehearsal schedule and upcoming trip to Vegas, I have decided to take my hat out of the ring. This came at a hard price since the Gild is so good to me and gave me my first theatre part really. But I really need a job, I need to prepare for school and I need to see my friend that I haven’t seen in roughly two years. In addition to the fashion show at the University, this is another thing that had to fall away. After doing tech for Eurydice, Titanic will be my last show for a while. In the meantime I’m still doing stage combat training which will get me certified to choreograph and get paid for fighting. I will be active on the theatre boards and I will keep writing and do more social media marketing. I’m really sad but it’s all that I can do.

Upcoming Shows and a New Focus 

It’s been a very busy week for me with fashion week going on in Philadelphia. I have also taken this time to contemplate what I can do as an income producing activity while I support my career that’s flexible. In the meantime I have good news of upcoming shows that I will be a part of.

In the next week and a half, the Wilmington Drama League will be presenting Eurydice, written by Sarah Ruhl and directed by my friend Sean McGuire. I will be working as a Backstage Badger for this show as an assistant tech so I will not be seen on stage at all (which is cool.) After that it’s full blown rehearsals for Titanic: Tragedy and Trial, written by Pat Cook and directed by my friend Gail Wagner. In that production I will be performing as more than one character, (much like what I did for A Christmas Carol where I played two small parts.) She’s bringing in a British Dialect coach so I can tighten up my Standard British Accent for one of the characters and I will also be playing a Swedish woman (another part of my ancestry which would be fun to play.)  And of course the Arden Shakespeare Gild is hosting auditions for A Midsummer’s Night Dream I can’t possibly miss that! 

As far as my new focus. I’m doing more skills in my stage combat class (I even had to drop out of a fashion show so I can complete my required hours.) With the level of dedication needed to perform those skills safely and effectively, my fitness needs to be up to par. I’ve already mentioned some of the activities I would like to get back into. Roller Derby is one of them and they have a skating assessment coming up in a couple of weeks. I think getting back into pole dancing will be a huge asset due to the incredible amount of strength I need to build as well as flexibility and fluidity in my movements. There is a ballet studio down the street that I can take classes at and some additional martial arts classes that I can do on my off time. The biggest obstacle is the lack of money and transportation. So I’m going to have to get crafty with training as a broke girl.

I’m going to have to put modeling on the backburner. I have to relinquish my teaching job because of the hectic schedule I have currently. I’m going to have to let go of a lot of things in my life and work with the bare minimum to be able to achieve my goals. But I can do it.

Awards

        (Source: Emm Roy and Facebook. It’s entirely accurate for me.)

I have not watched the Oscars tonight due to the fact that I do not have a traditional television, and I’m completely reliant on my phone for entertainment at the moment. So far I have been watching Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries on Netflix and has been pretty excellent. I won’t jump into the pretentious mode of saying that awards are not important or self-congratulatory. What I will say instead, is that I have won enough awards in my lifetime that it does get boring after a while. Recognition is great (and truthfully what many people want is to be valued) however, what I want most in life is to recognize myself more. Not in an egotistical way at that. I just don’t want to continue to kick myself down when I’m doing the best that I possibly can. It’s not possible to receive a trophy for that. It’s something that manifests from the inside.