(Filter courtesy of Snapchat.)
If you follow me on Instagram, I posted a story that many of my friends and family responded to me as depressing. While it may be, it was the truth.
2018, even with the good things that happened, was absolute garbage. Many of the goals I set for myself did not come into fruition. As a result I chose not to set new goals or resolutions for 2019. This way I have no expectations or disappointment when recapping 2019 on December 31st. It just is.
I also said there’s work to do, which is absolutely true. I have a workshop this weekend and an audition next Tuesday. I’m still without a home in Dublin (though I’m searching frantically) so I messaged the head of the department about what my options are if I can’t find a place before the 14th when the new semester starts.
As far as the school is concerned, I managed to get a shared lead role in a heavily abridged version of Shakespeare’s ‘The Tempest’ as Prospero. If I’m completely screwed to come back, the show will go on with the other actor fully taking on the mantle of Prospero which gives me comfort. I hate having to drop out of projects with no coverage.
I think this new year will be ok. There were definitely opportunities that presented themselves that I felt I should take. The main thing I need to do is stop thinking there’s only one way to have a successful acting career. That will open up things a bit.
(Taken last night when I walked into the house.)
I made it! It feels so good to be home too. Yes, things are finally calming down with school, but I still felt scattered and out of sorts. Landing on American soil not only rejuvenated my spirit, but calmed some of the anxiety I was feeling.
A couple of good things came out of my move to Ireland. 1) I’m down 20 lbs with 40 more to go. As long as I continue to work out while I’m home I should be able to shave off another 15 while I’m here. 2) I have a deeper appreciation for what I had back home. Things look less bleak and I’m ready to work my butt off as well.
I hope to post more now that I have a bit more time to work on my own projects. In the meantime, I’m going to rest.
(Source: Chappelle Show, Comedy Central.)
A lot has happened over the weekend and unfortunately it left me with a lot of anger and grief. I got into a Twitter argument with someone that I liked and respected and ended up being labeled a horrible human being en masse.
I still stand by my statement because there were no ill intentions on my end. But it reminds me that I have a pattern of dealing with the same type of people when I get into disagreements online. So I figure maybe I’m not great at communicating whether it’s in spoken form or written form.
Because of this, I cleaned up my blog of anything I think could be taken the wrong way. Deleting posts. Cleaning up the language of some. I just noticed not every photo was sourced, so that’s a silver lining. I may change some of the photos too.
It’s not going to completely stop arguments from happening, or people loathing me. However, it is what I need to do to make the moment right.
But I may just go off the grid period. Not only because this was an unwinnable situation, but also due to one of the responses directed at me was super racist. Being misunderstood and not being able to fight back because I’m already written off and would be perceived as “grasping at straws” is aggravating.
Well…two of my three jobs went from certain to uncertain.
Tomorrow, I have a staff meeting at my theatre gig because of a massive management overhaul. While I can’t disclose everything that happened, just know the events leading up to this meeting have not been good. The meeting itself doesn’t feel promising either.
My restaurant job has welcomed back the woman who trained me. I’m happy for her because I didn’t want her to go, but it does mean I may be losing out on that extra income now. Right when I have a month left before leaving for Ireland. IF that even happens.
I have a theory and it’s been a theory since my financial aid was rescinded last year….I don’t think I’m meant for this school. My family doesn’t want to hear that and they keep pressing to make it a thing; though I am still woefully unprepared to live there financially. Not to mention the fact that some things career wise are now falling into place for me right as I’m supposed to be leaving. I mean, if I was in Ireland last year, I wouldn’t have been able to earn eligibility into SAG, because I would have been over the Atlantic and in school.
Education is important however. Not having a degree has hindered me from taking financially secure jobs over the years that are not retail, restaurant, or even human resources; which I was lucky to land the position I did without the degree. Mainly because I worked my way up that company and my friend was in a position to hire me.
This is one of those times when I have to exercise faith in the Universe over where it wants me to go. My biggest prayers are to let go of the things, situations, and people who no longer serve my highest good. For my family to truly support my career and to stop letting fear get in the way which, I feel was causing a lot of blockages in my career (among other things.) Finally, to be put in a position where I can excel at my career (may be simple as a workshop that helps me be a better actor compared to 4 years in school.)
I shall see what happens in the next few days.
(Source: @matthewalexanderkellerwilliams IG.)
My history buff friend, Sean, shared a link on Groupon to purchase a share of land to restore a very old castle in Scotland. I figured, why not? It was less than $20 and it goes towards restoring a piece of history.
Here’s the fun part:
1) I have a deed to the small patch of land I now own.
2) I also have the title of Lady of Chaol Ghleann which I found out is legal (you may now call me Lady Shamma Casson 😊)
3) I’m allowed to wear the Dunans Rising Tartan which looks something like this:
(The Scottish Register of Tartans.)
A little backstory on my relationship with plaid:
my great-grandmother and grandmother had an unnatural obsession with plaid. Clothes, accessories, furniture, even my great-grandmother’s car was upholstered in it. So the love of plaid was killed out of me.
However the Dunans Rising Tartan has such pretty coloring…I’ll give it a pass. I plan on purchasing either a scarf or a wrap in the future.
I’m also using the property ownership as a manifestation affirmation. Hopefully I manifest something more tangible to live in like a tiny castle. A girl can dream.
I know I have previously talked about people who destroy jokes by having no sense of humor, but what about the people telling them?
Today after work, I caught wind of the director James Gunn being fired from the MCU franchise and I’m disappointed. Not in Disney, but in him.
What people need to understand that there is always some truth in the jokes. Even if they’re being said or written for shock value, it still shows who you are as a person. Suddenly working for Disney doesn’t help you grow as a person or make you a better one.
The MCU is now up to two directors who have exhibited gross behavior, either by being an emotionally abusive husband or an author of pedophilic jokes. I swear to God if one more actor or director from this franchise is revealed to be gross, I’m going to have to petition for Disney to conduct background checks on all of their production staff.
(Source: Fresh Prince of Bel Air, NBC.)
The Universe works in very mysterious ways. Not only was I offered an opportunity to audition for a film, now a videographer friend of mine wants to work on a project with me.
This time, it’s a horror scene that I would film with another person. No pay, BUT he’s giving me the footage for my reel!
I mentioned in a previous post about productions that can’t pay their actors, but have the audacity to not hire them without a reel, and the only compensation they offer is more reel footage. It made no sense. My friend, who offered me this project, is doing this the CORRECT way by making beneficial for both of us.
I will give credit where credit is due. He watched my Instagram stories where I talk and film all of the time and that was a form of a reel for him. Don’t be mistaken though, I would never be able to pull those stories together into a professional reel to send to casting directors. However, the industry is changing and more casting decisions are being made based upon how strong your social media following is.
I’m excited about this opportunity, and a little suspicious about why everything I’ve wanted to do since January, is only now forming a month before I’m supposed to leave.
(Source: Yuri!!! On Ice, Mitsurou Kubo.)
This morning I received an invite to audition for a role on an indie film that would be shooting next month. The timing comes right after I complain about my career going stagnant, which now renders that post null and void.
There’s no guarantee that I will get the part, however, the fact that the director reached out to me is important.
So what is the film?
It’s about a young woman who has major relationship failures with except for a meaningful relationship with another woman in her early twenties. I was offered to play one of the supporting roles in this film. The best part is, it’s a paying role too.
YES. This is the dream. To play a speaking part in a film or television show and actually getting compensated for it.
The only issue is that the schedule may roll into when I’m supposed to leave the country. Who knows what will happen, but it’s an opportunity I feel I couldn’t turn down. Prayers and fingers crossed for the best possible outcome.
(Taken late last month.)
There’s not much I can do about it. What I can do is take stock of where I’m at now:
•A decent theatre resume
•A film credit
•Nominated for a regional award
That’s what I have for the time being, though I managed to get this done at a rapid pace of 3 years (SAG alone takes some people a decade.)
Right now, the only thing I have going on is my YouTube channel until I work another film in 2019. I’ll try to keep this page updated on any industry related things that may come up in the meantime.
If you were following my blog up to this point, you would know that I currently have three jobs. Pole Dance Instructor, Arthouse Movie Theatre Projectionist, and Host/Server at a popular restaurant.
Recently, at the restaurant, I managed to pick up more serving shifts and ultimately that means more money in my pocket. However, that came at a cost: the person to trained me on the restaurant’s system was removed from the schedule.
I don’t like it.
Let’s be clear that I’m in no way ungrateful for the extra income (I NEED it), but I was hoping to earn it on my own merits and not because someone was forcibly removed. If you’re wondering if there was a valid reason for their removal? Yes. I will not disclose why though.
The next question you may be wondering is, if there was a valid reason this person had to go, why do you feel guilty about it? Well, as I stated earlier, they trained me. It’s a really ugly situation when companies require employees to train their replacements when they’re being let go by said company. Even worse when you train someone, get let go, and then find out that person you trained filled your spot. It feels sneaky.
Personally, I prefer to cover shifts for people. When they can’t for reasons due to illness or conflict of schedule. Better yet if they are quitting their position and are training their replacement to do the job well. I like to call this “an approved exchange” where no one gets hurt.
I liked this person. I bore no ill will, though I had concerns. They were cool and easy to talk to. Plus, believe it or not, they did train me well and did their job well when they could. It also worries me that I may be blocking my own blessings from feeling immense guilt about it. In the grand scheme of things, this job is temporary. Hopefully this sick feeling I have subsides by the time I leave.