(Source: Chappelle Show, Comedy Central.)
A lot has happened over the weekend and unfortunately it left me with a lot of anger and grief. I got into a Twitter argument with someone that I liked and respected and ended up being labeled a horrible human being en masse.
I still stand by my statement because there were no ill intentions on my end. But it reminds me that I have a pattern of dealing with the same type of people when I get into disagreements online. So I figure maybe I’m not great at communicating whether it’s in spoken form or written form.
Because of this, I cleaned up my blog of anything I think could be taken the wrong way. Deleting posts. Cleaning up the language of some. I just noticed not every photo was sourced, so that’s a silver lining. I may change some of the photos too.
It’s not going to completely stop arguments from happening, or people loathing me. However, it is what I need to do to make the moment right.
But I may just go off the grid period. Not only because this was an unwinnable situation, but also due to one of the responses directed at me was super racist. Being misunderstood and not being able to fight back because I’m already written off and would be perceived as “grasping at straws” is aggravating.
Well…two of my three jobs went from certain to uncertain.
Tomorrow, I have a staff meeting at my theatre gig because of a massive management overhaul. While I can’t disclose everything that happened, just know the events leading up to this meeting have not been good. The meeting itself doesn’t feel promising either.
My restaurant job has welcomed back the woman who trained me. I’m happy for her because I didn’t want her to go, but it does mean I may be losing out on that extra income now. Right when I have a month left before leaving for Ireland. IF that even happens.
I have a theory and it’s been a theory since my financial aid was rescinded last year….I don’t think I’m meant for this school. My family doesn’t want to hear that and they keep pressing to make it a thing; though I am still woefully unprepared to live there financially. Not to mention the fact that some things career wise are now falling into place for me right as I’m supposed to be leaving. I mean, if I was in Ireland last year, I wouldn’t have been able to earn eligibility into SAG, because I would have been over the Atlantic and in school.
Education is important however. Not having a degree has hindered me from taking financially secure jobs over the years that are not retail, restaurant, or even human resources; which I was lucky to land the position I did without the degree. Mainly because I worked my way up that company and my friend was in a position to hire me.
This is one of those times when I have to exercise faith in the Universe over where it wants me to go. My biggest prayers are to let go of the things, situations, and people who no longer serve my highest good. For my family to truly support my career and to stop letting fear get in the way which, I feel was causing a lot of blockages in my career (among other things.) Finally, to be put in a position where I can excel at my career (may be simple as a workshop that helps me be a better actor compared to 4 years in school.)
I shall see what happens in the next few days.
(Source: @matthewalexanderkellerwilliams IG.)
My history buff friend, Sean, shared a link on Groupon to purchase a share of land to restore a very old castle in Scotland. I figured, why not? It was less than $20 and it goes towards restoring a piece of history.
Here’s the fun part:
1) I have a deed to the small patch of land I now own.
2) I also have the title of Lady of Chaol Ghleann which I found out is legal (you may now call me Lady Shamma Casson 😊)
3) I’m allowed to wear the Dunans Rising Tartan which looks something like this:
(The Scottish Register of Tartans.)
A little backstory on my relationship with plaid:
my great-grandmother and grandmother had an unnatural obsession with plaid. Clothes, accessories, furniture, even my great-grandmother’s car was upholstered in it. So the love of plaid was killed out of me.
However the Dunans Rising Tartan has such pretty coloring…I’ll give it a pass. I plan on purchasing either a scarf or a wrap in the future.
I’m also using the property ownership as a manifestation affirmation. Hopefully I manifest something more tangible to live in like a tiny castle. A girl can dream.
I know I have previously talked about people who destroy jokes by having no sense of humor, but what about the people telling them?
Today after work, I caught wind of the director James Gunn being fired from the MCU franchise and I’m disappointed. Not in Disney, but in him.
What people need to understand that there is always some truth in the jokes. Even if they’re being said or written for shock value, it still shows who you are as a person. Suddenly working for Disney doesn’t help you grow as a person or make you a better one.
The MCU is now up to two directors who have exhibited gross behavior, either by being an emotionally abusive husband or an author of pedophilic jokes. I swear to God if one more actor or director from this franchise is revealed to be gross, I’m going to have to petition for Disney to conduct background checks on all of their production staff.
(Source: Fresh Prince of Bel Air, NBC.)
The Universe works in very mysterious ways. Not only was I offered an opportunity to audition for a film, now a videographer friend of mine wants to work on a project with me.
This time, it’s a horror scene that I would film with another person. No pay, BUT he’s giving me the footage for my reel!
I mentioned in a previous post about productions that can’t pay their actors, but have the audacity to not hire them without a reel, and the only compensation they offer is more reel footage. It made no sense. My friend, who offered me this project, is doing this the CORRECT way by making beneficial for both of us.
I will give credit where credit is due. He watched my Instagram stories where I talk and film all of the time and that was a form of a reel for him. Don’t be mistaken though, I would never be able to pull those stories together into a professional reel to send to casting directors. However, the industry is changing and more casting decisions are being made based upon how strong your social media following is.
I’m excited about this opportunity, and a little suspicious about why everything I’ve wanted to do since January, is only now forming a month before I’m supposed to leave.
(Source: Yuri!!! On Ice, Mitsurou Kubo.)
This morning I received an invite to audition for a role on an indie film that would be shooting next month. The timing comes right after I complain about my career going stagnant, which now renders that post null and void.
There’s no guarantee that I will get the part, however, the fact that the director reached out to me is important.
So what is the film?
It’s about a young woman who has major relationship failures with except for a meaningful relationship with another woman in her early twenties. I was offered to play one of the supporting roles in this film. The best part is, it’s a paying role too.
YES. This is the dream. To play a speaking part in a film or television show and actually getting compensated for it.
The only issue is that the schedule may roll into when I’m supposed to leave the country. Who knows what will happen, but it’s an opportunity I feel I couldn’t turn down. Prayers and fingers crossed for the best possible outcome.
(Taken late last month.)
There’s not much I can do about it. What I can do is take stock of where I’m at now:
•A decent theatre resume
•A film credit
•Nominated for a regional award
That’s what I have for the time being, though I managed to get this done at a rapid pace of 3 years (SAG alone takes some people a decade.)
Right now, the only thing I have going on is my YouTube channel until I work another film in 2019. I’ll try to keep this page updated on any industry related things that may come up in the meantime.
If you were following my blog up to this point, you would know that I currently have three jobs. Pole Dance Instructor, Arthouse Movie Theatre Projectionist, and Host/Server at a popular restaurant.
Recently, at the restaurant, I managed to pick up more serving shifts and ultimately that means more money in my pocket. However, that came at a cost: the person to trained me on the restaurant’s system was removed from the schedule.
I don’t like it.
Let’s be clear that I’m in no way ungrateful for the extra income (I NEED it), but I was hoping to earn it on my own merits and not because someone was forcibly removed. If you’re wondering if there was a valid reason for their removal? Yes. I will not disclose why though.
The next question you may be wondering is, if there was a valid reason this person had to go, why do you feel guilty about it? Well, as I stated earlier, they trained me. It’s a really ugly situation when companies require employees to train their replacements when they’re being let go by said company. Even worse when you train someone, get let go, and then find out that person you trained filled your spot. It feels sneaky.
Personally, I prefer to cover shifts for people. When they can’t for reasons due to illness or conflict of schedule. Better yet if they are quitting their position and are training their replacement to do the job well. I like to call this “an approved exchange” where no one gets hurt.
I liked this person. I bore no ill will, though I had concerns. They were cool and easy to talk to. Plus, believe it or not, they did train me well and did their job well when they could. It also worries me that I may be blocking my own blessings from feeling immense guilt about it. In the grand scheme of things, this job is temporary. Hopefully this sick feeling I have subsides by the time I leave.
My family was away this past weekend. Dad is still getting treatment at the outpatient facility and Mom took a business trip out of state to consider a possible relocation.
It reminded me of the old days before I was homeless. I used to have my own space, a working vehicle, a job that paid all of my bills, and freedom…
So what did I do with my new found quiet time? Slept a bit, organized some papers, reassessed my life, and prayed.
Lately I’ve been down about my career. It’s been a dry year for me and seems like it’s taking forever just for me to pull together my down payment for SAG. Even though I’m working three jobs, the money is sparse; which makes me worry if I can even get to Dublin at this point. Having to focus on my family’s care has also added to the stress, which makes this break all the more beautiful.
My Mom will be home late tonight. My Dad, a few days later. I will miss the peace a quiet for now, but I know I will get back to it soon.
The founder of a website that I follow, has just been exposed as an abuser. Creating insanely strict rules for his girlfriend to follow, fat shaming her, and sexually assaulting her. He even went so far to ruin her acting career by blacklisting her when she walked away from him.
One thing I took away from the article that was written, is that dating someone high powered isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. I mean, dating in general isn’t all that great, but adding fame to the mix makes it especially difficult. Look how easy it was for this poor woman’s career to be tanked simply because he didn’t want her story to be believed? He was worried about bad publicity and his actions have led him down the path of…bad publicity.
If he had not been an asshole, he wouldn’t need to worry as his conscience would be clear. But that’s far too easy.
Anyway, I’m happy that this woman is safe and recovering financially, spiritually, emotionally, to be able to tell the tale. He is a scumbag.