(Source: Facebook.)

Earlier this month, I read my March horoscope. The advice that was given:

Take as many naps as possible this month. You are going to need it.

I found it hilarious that a horoscope would give me this advice, but you know what? I do need it.

Tomorrow is the first day of training at my new job. I also have a private pole dance lesson to teach that night. On Friday, I have a modeling gig and later, I need to be at Wilmington Drama League to work their lights again. Pretty much for the rest of March, I’m going to be running between three jobs, a community theatre gig, a modeling gig, and a podcast interview.

I’m going to take a nap right now. ✌🏽

Ash Wednesday

(Source: Facebook.)

Today is Valentine’s Day and also Ash Wednesday. I went to church because my grandfather was delivering the sermon at the noon mass today. He is retired as a Reverend Canon, but on occasion he will speak to the congregation. The sermon itself was quite interesting because I find it to be relevant to some issues happening in the world today: Virtue Signaling and Outrage Culture.

Now technically, me talking about Ash Wednesday to begin with is a form of Virtue Signaling to begin with and I will keep my thoughts brief. However, I did want to share my takeaway from the sermon as it relates to what I see. First, Jesus’ teachings talk about how being overtly pious or virtuous for the sake of acknowledgement doesn’t reward us in the long run. Think about it: don’t we know at least one person whether public or private who behaves this way? It’s not to say that they don’t do good things, but it’s almost as if doing the good things to be recognized, only fuels their ego and comes off as not genuine. (I know of a handful of famous people in my industry who behave this way, but I won’t name them.) I think that has to wear on the psyche over time. Because if you have one slip-up of just being human, it’s far too easy to get torn down for it. Which is why, even though I’m perfectly guilty of being a Virtue Signaler, I’m also guilty of being a Hot Mess too. Balance is key.

Second, Outrage Culture. I’m definitely part of the pitchfork mob of Outrage Culture. Many of us are, and we have gotten to the point where even simple human error is grounds for a shunning. With that said, there are plenty of people who do horrible things, NO EXCEPTIONS. The real question is, how can we make corrections to the bad behavior, without turning bad ourselves? Because one day, that same hammer is going to fall on our heads and we won’t have anyone to blame but ourselves.

Update to The Doomed Shoot

(Source: Metalocalypse.)

“Shit Happens.” I’m well aware; but having to cancel a booking sucks major donkey balls. My fear is (even though I have been super consistent with every booking I have ever done with this agency) they won’t trust me to take on anything else. Or maybe I’m just not meant to take on Non-Union work anymore. Either way, I need to continue to make money by any means necessary and I think I just murdered one of my sources by being a flake (even though it wasn’t my intention.) To say I’m upset is an understatement.

Some Thoughts…


This post is inspired by the recent article about the Non-Sexual Assault, but Sexual Coercion by Aziz Ansari to a young woman named “Grace”. I’ve read the article along with many think pieces and social media posts with various opinions. I have my own thoughts and conclusions, based upon what I read coupled with my own experience…however I’m not going to delve that deep. Rather, I want to talk about one glaring element in the original article and the screenshot of the text messages between Ansari and “Grace”:

the fleeting hope of having some sort of a romantic connection with a rich and famous man, while not being famous or rich yourself.

Let it go. It’s not going to happen.

This makes me sound like a total bitch and I’m sorry. It’s the truth and I want you to understand why.

Yes, there are very famous men who do end up meeting non-famous women and/or fans and end up becoming their girlfriends. However, you have a better chance at winning the lottery than that ever happening.

The reason is because you’re not in alignment with him.

I’m not here to tell you that famous men, primarily actors, are gross. Especially since my dating history consisted of mostly military men, I can say without a shadow of a doubt they are WORSE than actors when it comes to romance. The big thing I want to convey is that these type of men typically date within their station. Someone, who like them, achieved wealth and status. This is why there are so many showmances and scandals, because they date their co-workers who are like them. Why do you think Prince Harry is marrying Meghan Markle? Because she is within his station due to her success as an actress and a humanitarian. They shared common interests and their mutual friend felt safe to set them up. This relationship wouldn’t have worked if they were at odds with each other.

It’s alignment.

Now that’s not to say that “Grace” didn’t have some prestige. She was invited to the Emmys and all, but the only thing she had to find in common was to talk about an old camera Ansari was using…and that’s the ONLY common ground they had. Even then he brushed her off at first, which really should have been the tip that this wasn’t going to go her way. All I’m saying what “Grace” really should have done, is to continue to put her nose to the grindstone and work until she is the master of her craft. Then at that point, and only then, would she get the man she truly wants.

(Source: Facebook.)

With that said, do I feel that men like Ansari are blameless? No, absolutely not. Consent is important and it something that he, and other men can benefit to learn. What I am saying is that we need to stop chasing these stupid men. Accept the fact that you may be single for a while or never be with someone at all. It’s better than putting yourself in a position that harms you rather than serve you.

(Source: Facebook.)

Anyway, that’s my two cents on the subject.


(Source: Facebook.)

Not two hours after writing the previous post about entering into a field of land mines, a.k.a. gross people, in my industry, I ran into one of the people I used to work alongside with everyday. He said he couldn’t be happier that great things are happening to me, and he hopes my career blossoms in big ways this year.

(Source: Giphy. Ok but seriously, who is chopping onions in here!?)

Fine then. The gross people won’t stop me from being great. Which is a good thing too.

I’m strangely optimistic.

Now optimism isn’t the same as excitement. No. Besides, any time I get too excited, the rug gets ripped out from under my feet.

So I’m entering this field with a LOT of caution, some hope, and zero giddiness. I hope to report some progress soon.

The Belly of the Beast

(Source: Futurama FOX and Facebook.)

I booked my first job of the year yesterday morning. While I won’t share what the project is about, it does have a possibility of the footage being used on a national scale, which means it will also be my highest paying job. Needless to say, I was excited.

Then that bubble got popped. Later on I caught an article about James Franco and his involvement with teen girls and a revelation by Ally Sheedy. I guess it was a good thing I never worked on his project. Still I am complicit because I paid money to train at his school, paid money to see his film, and wrote a whole praise post about him.

Given how terrible the abuses are in this industry, it makes me wonder if I really should stay in? I know it’s wrong to assume that everyone in the industry is like that, or to try an jump ship so soon after making gains, but I just don’t know. All I do know is that I feel like a piece of crap right now.

Some Thoughts…

(Source: Facebook.)

I don’t have TV in my home right now. I haven’t had access since before I got laid off from my job and became homeless. Which leads me to watching everything by way of digital streaming and DVD. I didn’t watch the Golden Globes because of limited access, however, I tried to keep up with the program by way of recorded highlights and Twitter. There were two major takeaways I wanted to address because they involve a bit of shaming, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy.

First: Why are we shaming actresses who are not wearing black?

It wasn’t required dress code for the Golden Globes. It was an option to wear if you wanted to stand in solidarity with the women who were abused. That’s not an open invitation to abuse more women who chose not to wear black. We don’t know their stories or motivations as to why. Truthfully, it’s not our business to know. Much of the shaming came from other women too, which is incredibly disappointing and hypocritical.

Second: I understand the point Natalie Portman was trying to get across.

She was genuinely trying to call out the selection committee for not choosing any women directors for a nomination. Yeah that is wrong. The people that are siding with her, missed that major point and for some reason got mad at the nominees. Lest we not forget, Guillermo Del Toro, who is from Mexico; the country which bigoted constituents from my country are rallying to build a wall against; the country which our current leadership says has “Bad Hombres” coming from there; the country which our leadership deemed so dangerous, that they have emboldened ICE more than ever to rip families (including women) apart, and wrongfully profiled legal American citizens…


Sometimes we get caught up in the marginalization of women that we forget about other marginalized groups as well. But I have already addressed that issue a few posts ago.

(Source: Facebook.)


(Source: Urban Dictionary, contributed by Terminator-C)

As I logged onto Twitter this morning I saw a massive outcry about a video posted by YouTuber Logan Paul. Apparently he and his crew went to a forest in Japan that is said to be haunted by people who commit suicide there and no one is permitted to enter the forest. Not only did Paul and his crew break the rules, they also discovered a corpse that was hanging from a tree, then proceeded to laugh and joke about it. This is troubling as hell, but not as troubling as the fans who are defending him; which is what I want to talk about today.

We have a huge problem with Stanning here in the U.S. currently, and it has become increasingly frustrating and damaging to the human spirit as a whole. So far I have read online from a few of his Stans:

“He is just trying to raise awareness for suicide.”

“Laughing and joking is just a way to cope with something so shocking.”

My favorite one…”he is literally trying to save the world by raising awareness.”

(Source: Facebook.)


What he attempted to do was give a half-assed lecture about suicide awareness as justification to post the videos and display his douchebaggery. He was not trying to save the world and only regretted the backlash he received from followers that are not Stans. His apology was equally as shitty.

(Source: Facebook.)

So what is the psychology behind Stanning? That I can’t explain. Though I do notice that it tends to happen, more often than not, to public people who see little to no repercussions for their actions. Even with this kind of backlash, Logan Paul will be able to worm his way out of it somehow and maybe that’s why they root for him…because they want to be able to get away with bad behavior.

(Source: Purplekecleon Tumblr.)

Even I had an exchange with a Stan. You can see in the comments section of my post “Dear Amber Rose” which they could not defend her rude comments about the women from Philadelphia. However if I listened to the rest of her interview it would somehow redeem her in my eyes. I took their recommendation and watched the whole interview and the result I came to was that her rude comment about Philly women contradicts her overall feminist message. No, she didn’t win me over.

(Source: Facebook.)

Which leads me to some thoughts about my situation. As you well know, I too work in the entertainment industry. I want to create good content and generate an audience that supports me and keeps me working. However, I don’t want to get to the point where I believe I’m untouchable. It’s already been a struggle to get to where I’m at presently, and sustaining it will be even harder. It may have to come down to whether the pressure to sustain is greater than the loss of leaving. While I’m not famous by any means, I think I will have to walk away if it comes to the point where I’m too comfortable to defend the indefensible, or I’m too passive and let Stans run wild.

In any case, it’s not healthy. No one should be held at the same pedestal as a Deity, no matter how famous or important you are.

A Hard Promise To Myself

(Source: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Bravo TV)

A concern was brought up to me by my mom and I’m in agreement with her. Since my school has officially been approved for deferment until September 2018, anything I do now must be dedicated to my success in school. She could care less that I go to school (I am an adult and can make my own decisions after all), but she knows that attending college overseas has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. She doesn’t want to see me lose it. So that leads me to make some hard promises and agreements with myself:

•If (in the unlikely event) of me meeting a guy that I want to date, I’m to never compromise for him. Either he is just going to have to make a way to see me in Ireland or not at all.

•I should still be acting as if I’m moving there. I’m not going to be comfortable where I’m at in Delaware and should be completely uprooted.

•I’m also working a regular job until it is time to go, so I have money and I’m not struggling to live or pay rent in Ireland.

•This is still my dream and unless I land some massive role in a major motion picture, I’m not to be distracted from it.

This should be fairly easy as I have way less patience for people wasting my time like they did in the previous years. 2018 is officially the “Get My Life Together” year.

Hollywood Feminism

(Source: The View ABC.)

I really wanted to avoid posting about this topic at all, however I cannot hold in what I feel about this anymore. Why? Let me show you the photo:

(Source: LA Times. What’s wrong with this picture?)

The reason why I call it “Hollywood Feminism” is due to the new wave of feminism made cool again, by famous women who are not of color, wealthy, cisgendered, and contemptuous of women who do sex work. We applaud these women and give them a damn medal, but the voices of women of color, transgender, and sex workers are missing. It just makes me want to throw up.

I will be flamed for this post, but I don’t care anymore. It makes it next to impossible for me to fight for the movement, when at the end of the day, my voice is neglected to be heard. No one cares, no one believes me, I don’t matter. So why should I bother?

(Source: Snapchat.)

There are ways to improve this narrative that is healthy for all: Like INCLUDING WOMEN OF COLOR IN THESE INTERVIEWS. Believe us when we also report that we have been sexually assaulted (side eyeing you Lena Dunham.)

Hire us, stop casting us in stereotypical roles, or whitewashing roles that are meant for us. Allow us to tell original stories and not reboot crap all of the time. It’s amazing what difference it will make in the long run.

End Rant.