As of right now, the festival is already 10 minutes and I’m still not assigned to a bar tent or making any money right now. As you very well know, I turned down the stage crew position because it was so last minute, and that position is now gone. Now I’m working nothing and missing out on money that could definitely go towards my education. I may be super emotional just because it’s incredibly hot out here today and I need to pee. But honestly looking at how my life operates in general…well constant misalignments like this is one of the reasons I’ve just don’t want to carry on anymore. I’m cursed, I swear!
It’s the first day of Firefly and I’m already over it, and I haven’t even started yet! Why am I so upset? Well it’s due to the fact that I WAS actually hired for the Firefly Stage Crew, but had received no correspondence about this position until today! My feelings are so hurt right now as this poor timing thing is a life pattern I’ve never been able to shake. I always miss golden opportunities, meet the right guy at the wrong time, and like today, I’m scheduled to work something different on the same day. This is really upsetting…
There have been a few gaps in between my blog posts and that is no accident. I’m having a bit of a weird kind of writer’s block. It’s not that I have nothing to write about, on the contrary, I have everything to write about! However, my life is moving so fast at the moment, it’s easier for me to do a quick post on Instagram instead of really taking the time I need to craft a post reflecting my thoughts. Plus I have a tendency to pump out too much information which isn’t necessary either.
This is a real problem. And now my meme collection grows larger by the day. I’m not sure if I’m going to have any storage left.
Hopefully I can get some writing done on vacation…
It seems that every time I break down into uncontrollable sobbing, the next day it manifests into something amazing. This happened when I got accepted for school, when I cry about money, when I generally feel like my life is going nowhere: and then BOOM!!! PROGRESS!!
What the hell?
As much as I like having increase in my life, the fact that I have to go into a mode of deep depression is not my idea of a good time. But then again…it’s not supposed to be my idea of a good time, but that of my creator. I couldn’t possibly tell you why this is, maybe it’s to show that I really want it. Maybe it’s negative energy I need to release in order for the good to come in. It could possibly be an alarm telling me that the good is coming and uses my tears as an indicator. Whatever way it is, let’s just say that currently I’m a hot mess of tears, and that most likely means something amazing is going to happen tomorrow. 😭😭😭😭
So, it has come time for me to quit on caffeine. I’m going to do this in small parts, because I have attempted to quit before and got really sick doing it. The main reason is that it heightens my anxiety and causes me to have panic attacks. I’m moving to drink greens instead for my energy source, since they are loaded with vitamins and nutrients. And of course drinking more water (which I’m terrible at staying consistent.) This will be a good detox for me.
No, I didn’t disappear. It’s been an incredibly hectic week. My dad ended up back in the hospital, which he will stay for another week. I didn’t book any work and my money is dwindling. I have yet to hear from student aid and since I’m moving to Ireland, dad’s job has to go to someone who will be committed to it for a while. Basically, life is kinda rough right now. I’m completely beside myself and I’m not sure what to do.
(I sound like a broken record at this point.)
So what is good? I’m taking Muay Thai right now and the studio isn’t far from home. I’m booked to see my friends on the West Coast and Vegas, so that’s cool. I don’t have too much else to report. Hopefully something good will come my way soon.
I have completed my run with Orange Is The New Musical over the weekend and my shoot as a stripper in the independent film Without You. It has been a very productive weekend and after a little bit of rest, I’m ready to tackle all of my stuff related to school.
Applying for scholarship money is an ongoing battle, so there is nothing new to report on that end. I’m working on getting as many scholarships and grants I can possibly get before even daring to apply for a student loan.
I may find myself working at a strip club after networking with the dancers they hired on set. I have too much money I need to make before leaving for Ireland. Since I don’t have a boyfriend anyway, this might be the best time to jump into it.
Working at a strip club isn’t my only prospect for money. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I can’t legally work in Ireland with a student visa. This means that I do have to seek remote jobs and side businesses that I can start up and work on while I’m in school that doesn’t interfere with my visa. It includes writing for other blogs based in the US, having a network marketing business, and affiliate marketing. The big thing is to work for a blog or even revamp this blog without being click-baity and annoying. Over sensationalized writing gets on my nerves, and the language is terrible.
Of course I did put in for other gigs and things in the future. Some I lost…(like the pole teaching gig) and some I am still in consideration for (like Firefly). Hopefully I hear back from them soon.