Writing 

(Source: a random share on Facebook, artist unknown.)

There have been a few gaps in between my blog posts and that is no accident. I’m having a bit of a weird kind of writer’s block. It’s not that I have nothing to write about, on the contrary, I have everything to write about! However, my life is moving so fast at the moment, it’s easier for me to do a quick post on Instagram instead of really taking the time I need to craft a post reflecting my thoughts. Plus I have a tendency to pump out too much information which isn’t necessary either.

This is a real problem. And now my meme collection grows larger by the day. I’m not sure if I’m going to have any storage left. 

Hopefully I can get some writing done on vacation…

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Consignment Shopping 

I went shopping the past couple of days for my trip to the west. Because I’m on a limited budget, but I still want to impress. That’s when my dear friend, the consignment store comes in. 

Why do I love consignment stores so much? First of all, you can find some amazing, unique, and vintage items at the consignment store. They are usually made with better materials and tailoring. Most fast fashion nowadays, construct pieces for cheap using flimsy fabrics and stitching. 

2) It’s very Parisian. Many women in the city of Paris consign clothes. By doing so, they create looks that they can call their own. Always setting themselves apart from others without breaking the bank.

3) Piggybacking off of #2, I love the hunt for a deal. I don’t shop for clothing often, (in fact most of my clothes are either hand-me-downs, or clothes provided for me from various events or jobs that I have worked) but something about buying a massively priced item for pennies on the dollar just gives me a thrill. 

4) It’s a great place to buy costumes for theatre or any filmed pieces. All of the background jobs I worked, I wore consigned pieces that made me look “rich”. One of the jobs I worked, a woman brought her most expensive items and lost some of her real gold jewelry. If she had brought costume jewelry instead, she wouldn’t have broken a sweat over the loss. Plus with that deep of background, the camera or the viewer wouldn’t have picked up the difference anyway.

Simply put, consignment shopping is fun, economical, hip, and vital for the actor. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!

What Do I Do With My Life Now?

 (Source: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

I have completed my run with Orange Is The New Musical over the weekend and my shoot as a stripper in the independent film Without You. It has been a very productive weekend and after a little bit of rest, I’m ready to tackle all of my stuff related to school. 


      (Source: Student Problems Facebook)

Applying for scholarship money is an ongoing battle, so there is nothing new to report on that end. I’m working on getting as many scholarships and grants I can possibly get before even daring to apply for a student loan. 

I may find myself working at a strip club after networking with the dancers they hired on set. I have too much money I need to make before leaving for Ireland. Since I don’t have a boyfriend anyway, this might be the best time to jump into it. 

Working at a strip club isn’t my only prospect for money. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I can’t legally work in Ireland with a student visa. This means that I do have to seek remote jobs and side businesses that I can start up and work on while I’m in school that doesn’t interfere with my visa. It includes writing for other blogs based in the US, having a network marketing business, and affiliate marketing. The big thing is to work for a blog or even revamp this blog without being click-baity and annoying. Over sensationalized writing gets on my nerves, and the language is terrible. 


     (Source: @comedian_g on Instagram)

Of course I did put in for other gigs and things in the future. Some I lost…(like the pole teaching gig) and some I am still in consideration for (like Firefly). Hopefully I hear back from them soon.

Birthday Weekend 

My birthday is coming up this Friday and I’m starting to make a clear assessment and some hard decisions for my life. I want to leave the US knowing that I will be financially secure in Ireland. I want to be able to see my friends and family before I go. I want to be able to continue working in my industry while in school. Ultimately all I want is a better life for myself. 

No, not everything is bad, but it’s not amazing either. With that said, all I can do is press on as I have been, even though I’m getting to the point where I’m pretty much crying everyday. With that said, here are the things going right:


                      (Source: Pinterest)

I’m performing the last two shows of “Orange Is The New Musical” this weekend and the creators of the musical are flying in from L.A. to watch one of the shows. They are going to do a sort-of talk back to the audience and the cast which should be very fun.

The shoot that I’m doing for the film “Without You” is also this weekend where I play one of the strippers in the scene. I have a cute outfit ready and raring to go, along with trying to drop as much weight, wrapping, and tanning myself as much as possible. I have a stripper background myself, so it’s nice to be able to utilize that background for an actual film. Who knows, maybe I should go back if I want to raise the funds needed for school. Once I move to Ireland, I’m not allowed to dance anyway, it can be a last hurrah. 

My Jane Austen scholarship essay is due the following weekend. I’m going to be responsible and get it done and turned in this weekend so I’m not stressed out about it. The guidelines are fairly easy so it shouldn’t take too long to write an 8 page paper with a citation page right? Right?! 

Time to get to work…happy birthday to me *sigh*.

Battling Schadenfreude

Today I applied for a celebrity writing job. I have written about some of my frustrations with those type of journalists and how “click-baity” their sites can be; so the irony is not lost on me that my desperation for money has taken me down this dark path. Truth be told, I may not get it because 1) they wanted a blogger with 2+ years worth of experience and I only have less than a year. 2) The writing samples I chose from this page that is about celebrities, either had to do with comic cons or were incredibly snarky. 3) I’m just not cool enough to hang out in those kind of circles and 4) I’m admittedly a little bitter. 

Hence the title of this post…Battling Schadenfreude. For those who are not familiar with this word, it’s German and it’s definition is: to experience joy from someone else’s misery. Especially if you are a little envious and seeing someone fail, that puts a song in your heart for some reason. But it’s a little tricky. I mean on many levels, this is very mean-spirited. You wouldn’t want someone to celebrate your downfall, so why do it to someone else? I did a little research on the subject and found that schadenfreude was found to be most prevalent by people who collectively do not like someone. A recent example of this is the failed Fyre Festival. Many people were so excited to see wealthy people get duped out of their money. With the mass income inequality going around, it makes sense. We poor people hate the rich for flaunting their wealth and leaving us out of the club. When they lost out on their money because of a poorly executed festival, it felt like Christmas. But…

This is really bad energy to put out. Why?

Because your deepest desires is to be one of those people. And…

Hate and resistance actually hinder your blessings. So…

You have to change the mindset of hate if you want to be part of that club.

Whatever your resist will persist, it’s better to embrace the fact that your station in life is not theirs, but you will make the best of what you have in front of you. And who knows…

Maybe the person you are experiencing schadenfreude on, secretly is jealous of you too. You never know.

My goal is to identify why I feel this way and figure out how to end it. My reason is due to receiving some news yesterday about a person that failed miserably, and I was too happy; to the point that I had to apologize to God for feeling that way. 

When One Door Closes…

I’ve been having a very tough 2017 so far, and here I thought 2016 was a total dumpster fire. That being said, it isn’t all bad. I have received good news today. But first let me catch you up to this point. 

I’ve applied for so many remote jobs, only to get rejected. The pole teaching gig that I was all set to take has now been pushed off because of construction delays and now it’s no longer a guarantee. The money I have coming in from my accident to pay for school is taking forever and I keep dipping into my parents cash just to survive. Even though I’m retired from background acting, I had a job offer from the casting agency I deal with the most, offer me a background job I couldn’t take due to my dad still being in the hospital. Most of the scholarships I’ve been trying to apply to have an age limit, and I am beyond it. So as you can see…things are getting desperate. So what’s the good news?

I got an opportunity to help out a friend of a friend this week cover a shift at their business. Also today, I managed to book a promotional modeling job next week that will pay me a bit of cash as well. Add in the money I earned from my fit modeling job, the stipends I will be paid for my performances in Orange and Without You, taking over my dad’s gig, and I will be getting ahead sort of. I really wish some of these remote jobs will come in or if worse comes to worse, get back into Network Marketing and hustle my butt off.

Scholarship Essays pt. 2

I’m currently working on an essay about Jane Austen’s works. The essay is not due for another month, but I have a theme and I’m catching up with her work which I have previously not read. There are so many that laud Austen’s work and sadly I’m not one of them. It’s true, that the novels themselves are well written, and that the characters are relatable which is why her work is enduring…but that’s the issue for me. The human condition has not changed, at least how it has been documented here over 200 years ago.

I’m reading Mansfield Park right now and it feels like I’m reading a novel about the Kardashian family (ugh!) The Bertrams, Mrs. Norris, the Rushworths, and the Crawfords are so goddamn ratchet and annoying, I’m half tempted to throw this book across the room! Even the lead heroine, Fanny, grates my nerves from time to time. 


(I’m seriously questioning why I decided to take on this challenge and search for different scholarships instead.) 

If nothing comes of this essay, I would have least learned more about Jane’s works and why people love her so much. It also shows my general distaste for people. Not saying there aren’t a select few that I love. However, I think people who act classless, rude, and entitled (regardless of their financial status) piss me off the most. *Sigh* back to torturing myself I suppose.