So What’s Up With Diss Tracks?

(Source: Facebook.)

Of course the news from the past 24 hours is the release of an extreme diss track from one recording artist to another. It seems like a silly concept to me, given that I’m old school, when someone talks trash on you…you meet them outside to fight.

I consider diss tracks to be the equivalent of a keyboard gangster posting on social media: All words and no action.

That’s not to say creating art isn’t a good way of expressing hurt or frustration. I mean, hell, I do it all the time. But in the effort to keep people talking or in this case, to promote an album, it’s petty for no reason.

On a side note: while the actions of one of the recording artists using blackface and what they have done in their personal life is abhorrent; isn’t it kind of hypocritical of the creator of the diss track to call that out, but gloss over their employer’s allegiance to white supremacy? Where’s the outrage there? Oh yeah, I forgot…they’re being paid a princely sum.

Bye Bitch 👋🏽🖕🏽

(Source: Facebook. A touchy meme, but sooooo necessary.)

Breaking News! The Roseanne Revival just got canceled from ABC, because of a racist tweet.

Good!

I’m sick and tired of these entitled assholes that think they’re untouchable no matter what they say or do. On the bright side, it also proves that everyone has their limit.

At some point a person with an ugly soul will finally push past that breaking point of no return. When that happens, everything they say or do will be meaningless.

In the case of racist ass Roseanne Barr, I will enjoy this piping hot cup of Schadenfreude Tea.

(Source: Twitter.)

Again…

(Source: Facebook.)

Originally this was supposed to be a good post about work. Especially since there was a resolution and free food involved. Instead it’s a report that my dad has to go back into the hospital again.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the repeated treatments, the surgeries, the extended hospital stays.

I just want him to be okay.

It’s just too much to deal with and yet I’m required to.

Can my family get a break please?

Alzheimer’s

(Source: Spongebob Squarepants Nickelodeon.)

A couple of events happened to me over the weekend that left me a bit emotional.

The first was at a cafe where I was walking to the bathroom and an older woman walking out of the rooms started talking to me. She was telling me something that happened years ago when she was working, as if she was still an employee there. Her relative came over to collect her and revealed to me that she has Alzheimer’s Disease.

The second was at my theatre job. We are currently playing ‘The Leisure Seeker’ starring Dame Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland. The plot consists of an elderly, unwell couple, who take one last road trip together to visit Ernest Hemingway’s house in Key West, Florida. The husband played by Sutherland had Alzheimer’s.

Oof!

To share something personal, my maternal grandmother suffered from the disease at (what I consider to be) a very young age. She also showed signs of decay earlier in her life, that had also contributed to a toxic family dynamic for my mother. My grandmother died when I was 16 years old.

Life wasn’t easy during my adolescence, and it was difficult not to get frustrated when she couldn’t remember me at all. There were times when it was also dangerous…she pulled a knife on me because she thought I was a stranger breaking into the house. Ultimately, I was sad for her. She was a woman who was super athletic. Popular. Loved to go out dancing (I take after her.)

She lived a full life, with no memory of it when she died.

In the present day I wonder if that is going to be me. Losing all of my mental faculties, not remembering anyone or anything. There are times when I feel like I’m losing my mind now. I have horrible anxiety, depression, I stutter, I forget things, my mind is scattered at times. I’m also independent and I don’t want people to have to babysit me, especially in a weakened state.

Anyway, this was something I wanted to get off of my chest since it has been gnawing at me most of my life.

I’m Sticking To Philadelphia. For Now…

(Source: Meanwhile in Philadelphia Facebook Page.)

I’ve been sighing a lot lately. There has been a lot of motion without progress and I find myself super depressed. The Manhattan Monologue Slam didn’t net me much but an invite to the Philly Slam (which I’m still going to.) Still, I’m just a little disappointed on how few my bookings have been in New York and how few and far in between they have been in Philadelphia. However, they are my closest market and if I want to build up my resume at a lower cost, Philadelphia is where I will remain. The question now is, what’s out there?

The last panel of agents I auditioned for in Philly was a total bomb. Now with my new eligibility status with SAG, they wouldn’t be able to represent me at this point in time anyway. Once again I feel like I’m stuck without any prospect of a breakthrough. I was seriously hoping for that one good booking before starting school, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.

The Weird Is Beginning To Show Itself

(Source: Facebook.)

I’m into the third week of my new job and it’s already starting with the nonsense. So far I have already received unsolicited life advice from someone I’m pretty sure is 15 years younger than me, cattiness between coworkers, and cranky customers. While I know this is typical of any job, I had sincerely hoped that I was going to enter into a more pleasant environment. Especially since management is cool with working with my schedule.

I just have to remember that all of this is helping me with my career goals and it’s not permanent.

Wiped Out

(Source: Facebook.)

I’m tired.

My trip to New York wasn’t exactly restful due to the fact that I had to come back late last night in order to work this morning. But this is my life now.

I didn’t mention the new job I’m working at now, simply because I wasn’t trying to jinx it. I had post back in March, talking about a job that couldn’t stick to my availability. I had to quit that job and remain worried about money for the next month and a half.

I’m happy to be working somewhere and the job isn’t bad. My financial goals for SAG and Dublin are still on track.

Traveling

(Source: The Franklin Institute Facebook Page.)

Right now I’m traveling northbound to New York by way of Amtrak. I very rarely use their service because it is so expensive. $200. If I was wealthier, I would use them all of the time. Taking this route is the most luxurious and time efficient to get to the city.

My most used method is either the Greyhound, Bolt or MegaBus. It’s roughly a 3 hour commute as opposed to a 1 1/2 hour commute. My average ticket price is about $15.

My second hope tonight, in addition to performing my monologue without blowing it, is to get a return on my investment. Either winning the event, a job, or an agent. I’m not picky.

The Wedding 👰🏽

(Source: Facebook.)

You know which wedding I’m talking about.

Wow.

Meghan was absolutely stunning and Harry was so happy. They looked so in love…I’m still an emotional pile right now.

As I said when they first got engaged, I’m living vicariously through them. With a history of bad dating experiences, coupled with financial struggles, I just can’t see myself ever getting married. Would it be nice? Yes. But my life sucks right now and I’m fighting hard to fix it. There’s no time for a guy. Plus many of them didn’t match well with me.

The only marriage I will have, is the one to my career. Cheers to that.

Manhattan Monologue Slam

(Source: Thespian Peacock Tumblr and Pinterest.)

I got a last minute invite to the Manhattan Monologue Slam. Believe it or not, I have never heard of this showcase until a couple of weeks ago. One of the background actresses I met on the set of Creed 2 was inviting a group of us to be a part of the Philadelphia branch of this project. They weren’t able to pull off the May start date like they wanted, so instead we were invited to the original in NYC.

They only give us 30 seconds of time to perform a monologue. If they like us, we can move on to a bigger event where we would perform a 1-2 minute monologue. Either way it is a good event to attend as there are agents, celebrities, casting directors, and a slew of creatives in the audience watching you. The event itself is great for networking.

My biggest hope is to perform the monologue all the way through. I chose a brief part from the play ‘Carmilla’ that I was in as that would be most comfortable for me. The last time I attempted to perform one, I bombed it and had a panic attack during my audition for ‘Twelfth Night.’……………………………………………………………Please Jesus, see me through this.